10/23/2020
What a gain in . Life is full of . The last weeks, I've been really tense, sensitive, uneasy and I have to admit I lost it quite some time, much to the chagrin of my family. I've never experienced home sickness like that. Instead of cherishing the time with my family here in , I've been upset and worried too much about external circumstances that - I thought - would prevent my near-time travel back to . I was very aware of my inner restlessness and impatience, but just wasn't ready to transform my feelings into something more positive, something that would help me to overcome my sufferings, that I anyways knew were just holding me back from seeing the fun and joy I normally have in my daily life. But I just wasn't ready to let go, I didn't learn my lesson yet. I got stuck in this spiral of having unpleasant experiences one after another, they caused more and more pain and suffering. I felt trapped. Every single thing that wouldn't work in my favor, just got me to explode...
I have to let go of my desires to find peace and freedom.
I have to accept that this is where I am now and make the best out of every moment.
I have to trust the process to gain back my confidence.
I have to my thoughts and emotions to open up new doors with new chapters.
I have to shift my focus and attention towards finding gratitude in the present moment and for all the little things.
Suddenly, without prior notice, when the Universe played out its joker card, I was finally able to reflect and jump out of this dark, deep, black hole I've created myself. This moment was especially powerful, inspiring and energizing. Suddenly my attitude switched from complaining to appreciating everything and everyone around me. , , and released instantly and I was able again to see and feel it all around me. It has been there all the time, I just slipped off a little bit the higher rainbow road. What a ride!