02/04/2026
🐒🖤 GETTING A TATTOO AT FLYING MONKEY: A SURVIVAL GUIDE 🖤🐒
BEFORE YOU ARRIVE:
Eat. Real food. Not vibes.
Hydrate. Water, not just caffeine and spite.
Sleep helps, too, but we know how y’all live. If you show up fueled by Red Bull, ni****ne, and poor decisions — that’s between you and your ancestors.
WHEN YOU SIT DOWN:
Yes, it hurts.
No, you won’t die.
Yes, at some point you’ll think “wow this was a terrible idea” — that’s the tattoo demon whispering lies. Ignore him.
THE PAIN:
Everyone asks how bad it hurts.
Everyone is wrong.
Pain depends on placement, tolerance, and whether Mercury is in retrograde.
THE ARTIST:
We are not judging your body, scars, cellulite, or questionable life choices.
We’ve seen worse.
Much worse.
We are silently begging you to sit still and not say “oops sorry” while moving.
DURING:
You will feel pain.
You will survive.
You may briefly regret everything. This is normal and temporary.
NO, WE CANNOT:
• Tattoo you drunk or high
• Stop halfway because it “suddenly hurts”
• Tattoo copyrighted stuff without permission
• Read your mind
• Tattoo your friend “real quick” while you’re here
YES, WE WILL:
• Make sure you’re safe
• Take breaks when appropriate
• Tell you if something won’t work
• Permanently alter your appearance (with consent)
AFTER:
It will ooze.
It will swell.
It will itch like it’s possessed.
🚫 DO NOT SCRATCH IT.
Not even a little.
Not with “clean hands.”
Not because “Google said.”
I don’t care how itchy it gets.
I don’t care if it whispers your name at night.
Scratch it, and you will summon consequences.
HEALING:
Wash it.
Moisturize it.
Keep it out of the sun.
Your tattoo is not an experiment, a casserole dish, or content for TikTok science.
FINAL WARNING:
Tattoos are permanent.
Addictive.
And may cause confidence, personality upgrades, and the sudden urge to get “just one more.”
Welcome to Flying Monkey Tattoo Parlour.
We give you art for life and a mild character arc. 🖤🐒