10/15/2026
If your hormones had a traffic report, would it say:â
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đ§ backed upâ
✠running on emptyâ
âȘïž taking the wrong exitâ
â° completely off schedule?â
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In practice, I use four working patterns to organize the investigation. Most people overlap, but one pattern may deserve first place in the workup.â
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1ïžâŁOverloaded Clearanceâ
I review liver and gallbladder history, bowel habits, medications, alcohol, and hormone exposure. Clues worth discussing include constipation, jeans that fit at 8 a.m. and pinch by lunch, breast tenderness 7 to 10 days before bleeding, heavy or clotty periods, and one glass of w**e causing next-day mutiny. Symptoms alone cannot confirm a clearance problem.â
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2ïžâŁDeficiency and Depletionâ
Cycles may stretch past 38 days or disappear. Hair collects near the shower drain. Libido goes quiet. Workouts take days to recover from. I assess energy availability, iron status, thyroid function, prolactin, nutrition, stress, sleep, and medication effects. Coffee and willpower are poor raw materials.â
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3ïžâŁTraffic Misdirectionâ
This is the mixed picture: jawline acne or new chin hairs alongside scalp shedding, breast tenderness, bloating, or unpredictable moods. I look at ovulation, androgen activity, insulin signaling, thyroid function, medications, PCOS, and life stage. Mixed symptoms need a broad workup.â
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4ïžâŁDysregulated Rhythmâ
Think awake at 2:47 a.m., dragging at 7, crashing at 3, then oddly alert at 9:30. Cycle length may swing from 26 days to 39. I review light exposure, shift work, sleep disorders, meal timing, training, and ovulatory patterns.â
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These patterns organize clinical questions. They do not diagnose the cause. Bring me the weirdly specific timeline. It is usually more useful than âmy hormones are a mess.ââ
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