06/24/2026
People think abuse is easy to recognize because they imagine cheating, shouting, hitting, or controlling money. And yes, that is abuse. That is the obvious version. That is the version people can point at and say, “This is wrong.” But the dangerous part is that abuse does not always look loud.
Sometimes abuse looks like a mother who acts more like her son’s emotional wife than his parent. She competes with you, controls the relationship, and makes sure her son stays emotionally loyal to her instead of building a healthy marriage with you.
Sometimes abuse looks like family members who always take the abuser’s side while pretending they are your well-wishers. They act neutral, but somehow every conversation ends with you being blamed and the abuser being excused.
Sometimes abuse looks like enablers contacting you on the abuser’s behalf. When the narcissist cannot control the narrative himself, he sends other people to pressure you, guilt-trip you, or convince you to give him another chance. Sometimes abuse looks like people calling it “adjustment” when what they really mean is tolerating disrespect. They ask you to lower your standards, ignore your pain, and keep accepting behavior they would never accept themselves.
