02/16/2024
For those of us who Wander…for Wonder
I had to get lost
to find God
I had to fall off the edge of the map
to find a home that changes its address
every time I take another step forward
I spent most of my life searching
for peace by walking the same
worn path that everyone else
was taking
I was marching with everybody
as we followed the dusty trail
that we were told would lead
us to the promised river of life
we were like ants
marching together in line
through the desert
"Are we almost there?" I'd ask over and over
"Have faith," I was told by the lead ant
I got so thirsty
so tired
so scared
over time, I realized
that we were just walking
in a great circle
I think we've been here before," I'd comment
"Have faith," the lead ant would reply
"having faith"
in the ancient map
we were following
seemed like a luxury
for those who had
stronger spines
so, one night I slipped
out of line and off the path
and into the vastness
and straight into the
uncharted territory of
my heart
- I've been in the wild
for so long
with only my heart as a
compass
that thumps harder whenever
I get close to an angel
and last night
my heart almost
burst through my
chest
yet,
I don't think that means
I'm getting closer to
what I'm searching for
because God isn't a destination
God is the journey
God isn't an "x!" in the ground
God is a "y?" on my tongue
God is the sunlight peeking through
the deep woods I'm exploring
God is the soil between my
toes that squeeze through
every time I sit down to
watch the sunset
God is the endless horizon
that I am constantly chasing
God isn't a where
God is a here
I'm a nomad
whose principal
theology is to
never quit searching
I'm part of the
church of seeking
hands
I believe in the
canon of
exploration
I'm lost in the vast expanse
of an undiscovered land of
exotic doubts and psalm-singing
owls who croon me to sleep
each night
I have no directions
except to where
my raging heart tells
me to go
I've left the map
I was given in my
youth
and now I'm considered "out there"
with the other heretics
however, I've learned
that the more I wander
the more wonder I get to see
~ John Roedel