08/07/2026
My daughter and I took a vacation this summer with a couple of our best friends. We met these friends during 2020. We met outdoors at a restaurant in our neighborhood only to discover we lived about 7 houses away. My friend, the mom, worked at the CDC.
The years of 2020 and 2021 we spent a lot of time trying to help each other and our families feel like we were living a normal life - when we were living anything but a normal life.
I don’t know if you all have seen what’s happening regarding the pandemic in the news much, no doubt most of you (me included ) would be happier if you never heard the word pandemic again. And, I know what I’m going to say is not a popular topic and might not be recieved well in the Area of my practice, but I feel the need to tell a little bit of my story - maybe to help with my PTSD but also to enlighten some of you about what was going on behind the scenes.
In November of 2019 I heard about a virus in China that was killing people. At the time I thought, “yeah yeah ok .. another bird flu. But, I was asked to buy 1000 masks and send them to a friend in Taiwan because they were running out of masks. I bought those masks.. I have the sales records. NOW we all know the virus did start earlier than reported by China, but during the pandemic most people only had theories and rumors. I knew the rumors to be true.
I can’t say I prepared for it then. But suffice it to say it was on my radar. And in the back of my mind - I was paying attention. Next, from China, the first place hit hard was Lombardy Italy. Northern Italy had factories staffed by Chinese workers and that’s why epidemiologists think they were hit so badly so early . We only had a few cases in the US at this time (outside of New York which was just starting to get hit).
Doctors started private Facebook groups, groups that were US based and groups that were international. We started sharing the information we were getting based on personal experiences.. we were starting to see this had a possibility of becoming very bad.
I honestly thought people - even doctors were being a little hysterical in the beginning. I remembered how well Emory university had handled an Ebola patient a few years prior and I thought our President at the time probably had a plan to contain it and the government was downplaying it because they had a plan and weren’t worried about it and didn’t want to scare people.
But, then I heard rumors in the doctor groups about patients in Lombardy, Italy older than 65 who were being triaged in the waiting rooms and only given morphine to take home with them to take when they were dying - and then sent home. No medical care. They supposedly had no space, no ventilators. They were supposedly triaging large numbers of people in the waiting rooms like something out of a military movie.
I thought this couldn’t be true. Not in the modern world we live in. I had studied Italy’s health care system first hand in my health care administration MBA and knew Italian doctors were good, that their hospitals were good. I couldn’t write these rumors off as something that was just happening in an underdeveloped health care system.
Because of my ringside work, I know and work with doctors all over the world. So, I decided to call one of them in Lombardy. I remember I asked him, “Is it true? Are you really sending people 65 or older home to live or die without treating them?”
His answer was, “ As of last week the ministry of health changed that age to 60 years old but we aren’t supposed to tell anyone.”
I was shocked.
I went back to study all the medical information I could find in my doctor groups. I found autopsies from the first 3 people who died in the US. I wanted to throw up. Their lungs were completely eaten up with blood clots everywhere. I had this realization while reading the autopsies that, since I have asthma and a blood clotting disorder (and was once in the ICU for a week with blood clots in my lungs ) COVID was my perfect killer.
My older daughter who lived in New York started calling me terrified, sending me pictures of morgue trucks outside hospitals and of mass graves being dug. I started faking calm. Telling her she was overreacting, while inside I was beginning to be terrified.
I watched videos from China. They were wearing protective clothing for an airborne disease. I knew they had been dealing with it since 2019 and if they thought it was airborne - it was. There isn’t much defense against an airborne disease. I realized what was happened was inevitable. And then I cried. I cried because I didn’t have enough money to retire - I had to work, and I didn’t have a job from which I could stay home, I knew I had to go into a Building with people coughing - spreading an airborne disease that could kill me. I started wishing I had never become a doctor. I didn’t go to medical school thinking it was going to require me to risk my life.
The local health departments, the AMA the Academy of Pediatrics - no one had any advice for how a private practice should handle things. I knew we would run out of masks, after all, I had sent 1000 to Taiwan because they were out of them. So I got n95s for all my staff and I learned how to Clean them, bought a machine to clean them - anticipating we would reuse them for months. And I got glasses - protective eyewear for all my staff because airborne diseases love the eye and the nose.. the Hospitals weren’t even requiring protective eyewear in the beginning. (I believe protective eye wear was one of the reasons none of my staff got covid for over a year into the Pandemic, in spite of seeing patients with it every day).
Then I waited for it to hit Georgia - which didn’t take long. The second case In Georgia was someone who worked at an elementary school and had no foreign travel. As soon as this case hit the news - I knew it had arrived.
I remember going with a couple friends to hear a band the night that case broke the news. While I was there my older daughter sent me more pictures from New York and I told her to calm down - that everything was going to be ok. Then I looked at my friends and said, “We need to enjoy tonight, I think this is the last time we are going to hear a live band for awhile.” And I laughed - somewhat hysterically I think .. at myslef and at what I knew was coming.
Then I put on my game face. For all my staff and for all of you. Because, I knew if you knew how scared I was - there would be extreme panic. And I went into work.
My friend and I relive things from that time everytime we see each other. Even on this vacation we talked a lot about those years. We lived through trauma many can’t understand. And I get that others can’t understand it if they didn’t live it.. if they werent aware - like I was - about what I was trying to prevent from happening. If they didn’t know how bad things might become. I was trying to help prevent a repeat of Lombardy in my home.
Lately, there seems to be an attempt to revise our story. Revise what we lived through. And that I cannot stand. We all deal with anxiety in different ways. I do understand that. My way is to try to do everything I can to control and improve the situation. For some, DENIAL works better. But we all had anxiety back then - whether we realize it or not.
A couple years ago at Christmas I was visiting a relative who lives in a little village in Lombardy. The way of life in a little village in Italy is to go out in the morning and get bread and meat and cheese for the day and then grab a coffee at a cafe (or wine). While we were sitting drinking coffee, two old men walked by. “Do you see those two old men?” My relative asked me. “ They come here every morning. Have for years. There used to be 6 of them. 4 died from covid.”
We cannot forget and we cannot rewrite history. We can go forward, but we should never forget. We should be grateful to all health care workers who risked their own lives and who, while many still died in the US, prevented your experience here from being the experience had by those in Northern Italy.
Were mistakes made? Absolutely. But we were dealing with a novel virus, learning along the way, and we all did the best we could with the information we had at the time.
Most importantly for me, is that while my younger daughter doesn’t have a dad - she at least still has a mother, a mother who gets to take her on vacations with one of her very best friends. I survived. And so did all of those reading this. Be grateful.
Dr Hill