03/17/2024
I love this. My own early parenting journey was filled with bust your bubble moments.
I did not get pregnant naturally, even after 5 years of trying.
My births were not magical, they were blood and gore and unbearable pain.
I was not overjoyed, I mourned my old life and feared I made a horrible mistake.
I did not succeed with breastfeeding and felt like a terrible failure.
I struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety that didn’t get diagnosed or treated for over 3 years.
I recovered and devoted my life to supporting new parents in crisis.
I now have two happy thriving teenagers and I love being a mom, but I didn’t always love it.
I LOVE my work supporting new parents who are in a very dark place. I love showing them the light at the end of the tunnel then leading them to the light.
This is my story. What’s yours?
"A friend of mine recently had a baby.
Leading into birth, she had a plan, a hope, a very clear vision of what those first moments were going to look like.
A smooth delivery, an instant love, an easy transition.
That’s what society paints the picture as, that she will just “know” what to do, that it will be “beautiful,” and incredibly “natural” to slip into the role of a mother.
I often found myself telling her, “but if it doesn’t happen like that, that’s okay too.”
I gently reminded her…
The births of my children were not magical or intimate.
There was no gushing of happy tears or over the moon joy.
That c sections were what brought my babies here safely.
I didn’t have an immediate bond with any of my babes. It actually took a very long time.
I have formula fed my kids since day 1; breastfeeding was off the table immediately.
I found myself in a deep, dark postpartum depression. I was number than numb, needing medication fast.
But they are still so loved, and growing, and thriving.
I felt like it was my duty, as a friend, as a mom, and as a woman, to let her know it doesn’t have to be “perfect” to be right.
That if you struggle in those first fleeting moments, weeks, and months, it isn’t going to change the miraculous bond you’ll have moving forward.
That you’ll make the best decisions for your family based on what feels right for your home, not what society tells you is or is not.
Fast forward to her birth and things aren’t what she thought.
Pushing turned into a c-section, breastfeeding became obsolete fast, a connection absent, tremendous pain, no natural groove, anti-depressants present.
She texted me and said, “I get it now. What you talked about with the twins.”
I tell her she is doing all the right things because what’s right for her is exactly how her story should be.
Can we normalize not everyone immediately bonds with their baby?
Can we streamline that all births are hard?
Can we structure a narrative that doesn’t make a mama feel less than for not breastfeeding?
Can we applaud moms for doing what’s right for them, even if it wasn’t right for you?"
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