Todd Baratz

Todd Baratz The private practice of Todd Baratz.

Everyone is avoidant in one way or another.Not just people who lean avoidant in attachment theory. Anxious people are av...
06/01/2026

Everyone is avoidant in one way or another.

Not just people who lean avoidant in attachment theory. Anxious people are avoidant too. We all are.

We avoid ourselves. We avoid difficult conversations. We avoid our feelings, vulnerability, grief, disappointment, uncertainty, and the parts of ourselves we’d rather not face.

To varying degrees, most of us are 100% afraid of intimacy.

That’s why so many relationships never reach a deep level of emotional closeness. It’s why so many of us feel stuck. We can’t have intimacy with others when we don’t have intimacy with ourselves.

Moving is stressful. It’s logistical. It’s emotional. It’s psychological. It’s overwhelming.That’s why I reached out to ...
05/28/2026

Moving is stressful. It’s logistical. It’s emotional. It’s psychological. It’s overwhelming.

That’s why I reached out to .

They packed, unpacked, adjusted my move date multiple times, and handled every detail so I could focus on taking care of myself while they took care of everything else.

People approach s*x like it only happens while it’s happening. But s*x is always happening. Desire is always being built...
05/27/2026

People approach s*x like it only happens while it’s happening.

But s*x is always happening.

Desire is always being built or slowly destroyed.

Yes, avoid people who are cruel, manipulative, emotionally unsafe, or incapable of empathy. I don’t even know why we nee...
05/26/2026

Yes, avoid people who are cruel, manipulative, emotionally unsafe, or incapable of empathy. I don’t even know why we need to keep saying this but here we are: do not move toward people like this.

But building an approach to relationships around identifying red flags and green flags just reinforces the armor everyone already has on. It’s sensationalism. It’s not a relational skill. It’s anxiety rebranded as wisdom.

If you want to protect yourself, focus on yourself. Become as self-aware as possible. Understand who you pursue, what dynamics you recreate, what you tolerate, what you avoid, and why. Develop discernment instead of hypervigilance.

Emotional skills instead of constant analysis. The capacity to navigate complexity instead of trying to reduce human relationships into a checklist of warning signs.

The sooner you stop expecting love to feel good all the time, and stop running every time discomfort shows up, the bette...
05/25/2026

The sooner you stop expecting love to feel good all the time, and stop running every time discomfort shows up, the better you’ll become at actually loving someone.

05/22/2026

What if we just stopped using these words? Sometimes I think it's just another way people are just avoiding being honest with themselves...

Relationships can’t be one-note. It can’t be all fun and games. S**t comes up. We have to make room for both. The laught...
05/20/2026

Relationships can’t be one-note. It can’t be all fun and games. S**t comes up. We have to make room for both. The laughter and the tears, the pleasure and the pain. The silly and serious.

Complexity is part of the deal. Paradox is baked in. Multiple truths, contradictions, and fantasies that don’t even make sense. Insanity always included.

This is the complexity that gives relationships depth. What counts is staying present, and actively pursuing each other (not running away or defaulting to defensive places of avoidance).If you want emotional intimacy and if you want love that helps you grow, this is where it lives.

A lot of relationship content online is basically:
“You’re amazing.”
“You deserve better.”
“Run.”
“It’s all their fault....
05/16/2026

A lot of relationship content online is basically:
“You’re amazing.”
“You deserve better.”
“Run.”
“It’s all their fault.”

And sure, sometimes people ARE being mistreated. Some people ARE simply just bad partners.

So yes you definitely deserve things.

But I’ve never met someone who played absolutely no role in the unfulfilling dynamics they keep finding themselves in.

And at some point, constantly focusing on what other people aren’t giving you isn’t helpful. It works for an instagram post because it is validating. And we know how much everyone wants to be validated. But at the end of the day I do think it is just another way people are avoiding themselves.

05/15/2026

Express your love regularly. Show care. Be warm. Do thoughtful things. Check in and ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Love your partner in the ways they actually want to be loved and not just the ways that come naturally to you.

And if you’re getting feedback, don’t get defensive. It probably took your partner a lot of courage to say it out loud. So really listen. Take it in. And, where you can, adjust.

It really can be that simple. Have the conversation. Ask the basic question: “Do you feel loved by me?” And then: “What do you want more of? Less of?” A little effort goes a long way.

05/14/2026

It's probably not TMI. It's TLI. Too little information! Share yourself! Over communicate. Please.

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