10/08/2026
Can your body have Exhaustion PTSD? Its something I've thought about for a while but penned it today.
I've been in survival mode for about 23 years. Making sure I work hard, get exercise, have relationships, learn new things, party. On a normal basis, I do not have a savings account. Recently I started a new job and am making the kind of money I should be making and I am trying to rearrange my sleep schedule.
Its wild breaking out of survival mode. Realizing how depressed you are and how your body just wants to stay in bed. Its like its not sure if its going to be able to lay down and rest again.
Survival mode is a difficult place to be, especially for a long time. Lack of hope, chronic pain, knowing how much money you owe others, little things do not make you happy. Sometimes its seems as tho there will not be a light at the end of the tunnel and there were plenty of nights that I thought I would not wake up in this world, because why.
I want to get up at 530a, walk my dog, go to the gym, get my day started. My body and some part of my brain is afraid to use that energy. It wants to store it up because, what will happen if I run out of energy, what happens if I go out to my car and it doesn't start, what happens if I leave this room and need to spend money...
I hope this helps someone else. There is a light, you will have to create it and it may dim but you can keep it lit even if its an ember. There are plenty of us out here who have extremely high cortisol levels due to extreme, long stress and we are good at hiding it to accomplish what we need to and to accommodate others feelings. Its OK that they don't call to see how you are doing. Check in on yourself, pay attention to the signals your body is giving you. Take good care of yourself and satisfy every need. There is a light, you can't see it because it is within you. You just have to shine.
