Live Now

08/27/2026

MY HOUSE, MY HOME - I returned from Costa Rica over a week ago. I came home on Thursday and had my Chemo on Friday. It was not so bad. I have a few days or more of exhaustion and some dizzyness and then I am okay, except for the Chemo fog that decends on me. I am really unable to think very clearly. That is why it has taken me so long to write this blog. It is also the reason I have not been able to deal with some of the pressing issues that I need to attend to. But, I will survive and I have time to get to them. I have decided that I shall live for another ten years, not a day longer. From my mouth to Gods ear!!! That is if you believe that he is even listening.

So, my house is coming along beautifully. I can now see that it is really a house! A big one at that!!!! Why I need such a big house is anyone's guess. I suppose the only thing to do is to fill the house up with all my friends and family.

While I was in Costa Rica this time I had to make so many decisions regarding the layout of the house, the doors, the furniture, the tiles, and all the things that make a house a home. It was exhausting. It would have been so much more enjoyable to make these decisions if Lewis was by my side. I had fifty years with Lewis and we always made decisions together. I do feel as if he is with me at such times, but it is not the same. I want so much to see his beaming smile that tells me I made the right decision. I want to feel his arms around me to let me know that he loves me and cannot wait to enjoy our new home. But, this is not to be had. So I have to continue alone and I acknowledge that he will never leave me, he will be with me forever in my memories and in spirit.

The house will be done by the end of October. I plan to go back mid September. After my next two treatments of Chemo and a Pet Scan, a brain MRI and all sorts of doctor appointments. Then I will know if the Chemo is continuing to work. Either way, I am going to Costa Rica to finish my house. It keeps me going, it gives me something to think about other than my health.

I am going to the Berkshires. I am going to one of my dearest friend's 70th birthday celebration. How can I not go? It will be fun!!! I am once again pushing myself to go. I am as I said before exhusted. It really is only the traveling that gets to me, but I know that once I get there I will be with great people in a beautiful location and I will enjoy myself immensly!!

My doctor said I will be on Chemo until it stops working. The average person stays on it only for a year. There is at the moment no real next medication to take after Chemo. She wants me to continue to have it every three weeks. She appears to be a doctor that only sees numbers and does not see the individual, the jury is not out yet to be conclusive. But if all the cancer is out of my body after this next round of Chemo, (three doses over nine weeks), then I will demand that it be given to me every four weeks. This is when I hear from the Jury regarding my new doctor. I know that there is no studies done with this medication to see if four weeks vs three weeks diminishes its viability, so I will submit myself to be the study. I believe, without any real reason to do so, that the additional week should work and may increase the length of time that I can be on this Chemo regime. To me it is worth giving it a try. If it does work after extending the duration between receiving the medication and there is no new cancer, I may move it to five weeks. Let's see.

I want to live life. I want to live a good and fulfilling life. Like I have always said, it is not the issue of merely surviving, life is to be lived!!! I will build my house and make it a home. I will travel and see the world. I will laugh, cry and enjoy every moment of every day and I will not give up!!! Do the same!! Fight for what you believe in and do not allow a doctor or anyone or anything take from you the enjoyment that life has to offer!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!

07/26/2026

A LOT TO TELL- So, I had the Gamma Knife treatment on two tumors in my brain, which is essentially radiation. It was not enough to have two tumors in my brain, but a small third one was found via an MRI prior to the radiation. Then less than a week later, I have brain surgery. Real brain surgery, the doctor cut open the top of my head, about four inches and removed a large malignant brain tumor. I was in the hospital for two nights. After the operation and before he sewed me up the surgeon inserted gamma chips into my brain. The chips are contained in a mesh material that surrounds the circumference of the area that was created by the removal of the tumor and they are radioactive. they stay in my brain forever. These little chips remove whatever remaining tumor cells that may have not been removed during the operation. Then ten days later, I got my first Her2 infusion. Needless to say, it was one hell of a few weeks. I was exhausted!!! Thank goodness that was really my only negative reaction to all the procedures. I slept for days and could not do much of anything.

But July 4th, the day my husband died was coming up and I had to commemorate his passing with my son. We get together and travel to a place that we know Lewis would have enjoyed and spend time together. It has been something we have been doing since he died. So, I had to pull myself together and find the energy to go. And go I went, to First to NYC and to spend July 4th with my son and fiancé. We saw the tall ships, the Airforce fly over, I went to the Symphony commemorating the 250-year anniversary of our Nation and then saw an outrageous display of fireworks. And on the 5th, we flew to Rome. Italy was great. No s**t, how could it not be? We spent a few days in Rome and saw the sights. We then drove south down the coast. We went to Napoli, Porto and the island of Ischia, where we stayed in a castle. We ate at all the best restaurants. Went to a farm and had their homemade olive oil and learned how to make mozzarella. We went to wine tastings. And of course we went to all the ruins on the way. I was exhausted most of the days, but I pushed through. It was a marvelous trip, and my only regret is that Lewis was not with us.

Then I returned to Miami and the following day I got my chemo. I was supposed to have more radiation on my neck, because they found two spots that are cancerous in my neck bone. Of course, I can’t miss a spot. But it was cancelled pending the outcome of my chemo treatments. I was thrilled that I would not have radiation on my neck. This was located in a tricky area and could cause real harm if it went amiss. A week after my last chemo, I went for a Pet Scan to see if the chemo was doing its job. Now I was nervous!!! If the chemo was working, great. I am in the clear. But if it is not working, then I am s**t out of luck. I have gone through all the hormonal drugs that are available and there are none left to take and after chemo, there is nothing to be done, but to cut out the cancer one by one or to join a clinical trial. Not good options. You can just imagine; I was very nervous regarding the results.

I had the Pet Scan and the nurse the following morning stated that the Pet Scan showed that the Chemo was working. She said that the cancer in my chest, lungs and hip were all diminishing, but she did not want to say what will be regarding my neck. The radiologists who was going to do the procedure stated that I do not have to do anything at all and I will see them in September. My oncologist said that the results were excellent. But it was not until my Surgeon stated to me yesterday that he could not find any signs of cancer in my neck that I could actually breath.

I am lucky, I have had cancer since 2002 and stage four cancer since 2020 and I am still here and kicking. Some would say that having cancer alone makes me unlucky. But to me, I am so very lucky and blessed. I am surviving!!! And living a full life!!! I have friends and family that have shown me love, friendship and limitless kindness and compassion. These individuals, and you all know who you are, I want you to know how much I love you in return and cherish you beyond words can ever express!!!

Now that I am in the clear, I am leaving this Monday to go to Costa Rica. I will be there until the day before I need my next chemo treatment on August 7th. If I must come back every three weeks to get chemo I will. I am ready to start living again!!! Yes, I do have my issues, but I will not stop living a full life because of them and I will not allow them to dictate how I see the world. I see love, friendship and laughter and many good times to come. And that is what I will strive for. Please do the same!! Life is presented to you, much you cannot change, but it is up to you on how you perceive your life and your issues!! It is up to you to decide to find laughter, love and happiness in your life. It is out there, now go out and find it!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!

06/10/2026

06/10/2026

PROGRESS REPORT - I have now had three cancers removed from my brain, two by gamma radiation and the third large cancer by an operation where they drilled through my skull. My memory is coming back and I do not feel as if I am in a fog as I have been feeling for the last six months. I really thought that I was getting Alzheimer’s or some sort of dementia. It was a very unsettling feeling knowing that you did something that was totally incorrect or that you did not finish the last few steps to complete the task: it was as if the thought totally disappeared from my mind. I can now empathize with people with memory loss and how they just give up.
Last Thursday I had my first targeted Chemo treatment. Getting Chemo was always my biggest fear. I truly believe that had I gotten Chemo back in 2002, I would be dead today. Yes, Chemo was different then, all cells were targets back then. It was like using a nuclear bomb to remove one building in a small town. Many people died from the treatment alone. So, I was nervous to say the least. But I must say that having had my first treatment, I am relieved; I did not become ill, I was not nauseous, and I feel pretty good, actually.
I went to my follow up with my surgeon yesterday to find out that my most recent MRI of my brain showed that I have cancer cells in my neck, which created two small holes in my C2 vertebrae. And my team of Oncologists do not want me to wait to see if the Chemo will take care of the cancer in that area. They feel that it is in a too sensitive of an area and must be removed before it can cause irreparable harm. Which means that I now have to get radiation on my neck. Just when I thought I was over all the procedures, here we go again. So, this Thursday I go see my oncological radiologist to discuss when the procedure will be done.
It will have to be done real soon, or it will have to wait until I get back from the trip I just planned with my son. Every year on the death of Lewis, my husband, his father we go away on the date of his passing. I am going to NYC to see the 250-year celebration of NYC on July 4th and then we are going to continue to celebrate in the boot of Italy. Lewis would want us to do so.
It is important to keep perspective on what makes life worth living. It cannot only be doctors and procedures. One must have a reason to live and enjoy one’s life whenever one can. If my procedure has to wait, then I must acknowledge that they found the holes in my neck via happenstance. Therefore; in my opinion, it can wait a few weeks. I may be told differently, but I will cross that bridge when I get there.
This may sound strange, but I feel that I am damn lucky!!!! I do not feel pain, I am not nauseous, I am able to wake up in the morning and smile, I have a team of doctors that care and I have friends and family that I love and who seem to love me in return. I am still going to finish my house in Costa Rica and it will bring me joy. I will do my art there, I will commune with nature and I will find happiness and contentment. This makes the fight worth all the effort!!! If you are going through a loss, a health issue or just hard times, just remember that you should find that one thing daily that brings a smile to your lips, find that one person who supports and comforts you and remember that if you open your eyes in the morning the gods are smiling at you!!! You can make it, no matter what life throws at you!!
Live is not merely surviving!!!!

05/23/2026

I got home from the hospital yesterday. I spent two days and two nights recuperating from the operation. It has been hell of a few days. Last Thursday I had gamma radiation on two tumors in my brain.

Yes, they found another one to be removed and then on Tuesday I had my skull cut open across my head to remove another larger tumor. Then in comes the gamma chips, which they left in my brain to clear out the margins where the tumor was cut out from. These chips are radioactive and they remain so for about two weeks and any cancer cells still remaining in the cavity that they made will be destroyed.

I must say, however, that the recovery from the operation was unbelievably easy. I was wide awake when I got into the hospital room and I felt pretty good, with just a slight headache. It is hard to believe how far medicine has progressed. Neither thunder nor lightning was required.

My family with out a doubt I can rely on to care for me when and if the need arises. But it is my friends who have really surprised me with all their support and love. Real friends are the people that you get to pick as your family. I always had Lewis, he took care of me and I took care of him. I never asked anyone for any help, actually it is very hard for me to ask.

But I now realize that a good friend wants me to ask. It is really a blessing to have the friends that I have. I want to thank each and everyone of you for being there for me. I love you all!!!

Please accept this as an invitation that once the house is ready in Costa Rica, I am expecting you to arrive and allow me to reciprocate for your love and kindness!!

I will start the targeted chemo, in two weeks. I am doing it, because it is in my brain and I have no choice. The targeted chemo attacks the cancer cells located in, Her2 positive cancer, which I have. The chemo pe*****tes the brain membrane, which is incredibly important. So hopefully, I will be able to eradicate all the cancer in my body and protect my brain.

I am fighting once again and I will keep on fighting to live to see another day. Adversity comes in all forms, but you can make it. You have to take it one day at a time and look at it as if it is just another bumb in the road. But, do it with laughter and light heartedness. Find joy in the day no matter what. Accept the little rewards that come your way! I am.

HOME - I am not in pain, my brain is finally feeling as if it is working again. The hospital that I was at had great nurses, they knew what they were doing and they were kind when they did what needed to be done.

The doctors were fabulous and it was an experience no one wants to have to go through, but all in all it was an exceptional experience, life is how you look at it.

I am back, I WILL LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE and enjoy the days I have!!!
Life is not merely surviving!!!!

05/14/2026

UPDATE - I am going to get gamma knife radiation on Friday to take out the small tumor. Then on Tuesday of next week I am going in to the hospital to remove the bigger tumor. I will be in the hospital for two to three days. After all is said and done and I have recuperated sufficiently, I will be getting HER2 Targetted Chemo. Yes, I said Chemo!! I have too much cancer in my body floating around and getting into my head. I had to make the tough choice to take it and I made the choice on the fact that my brain should not be subjected to any more cancer. This Her2 treatment does pe*****te the brain barrier and works much faster. However, I am only going to agree to three treatments. I will get a Petscan and MRI after the third treatment in order to decide if I continue on it or get on the Zomeda chemo pill. Also, I am moving forward with this treatment, because my late husband voice is in my head telling me to take it. He always wanted me to do anything that would keep me alive, even Chemo. And of course, I would argue against it. But now, it appears that I do not have any choices left. So, here I am at a cross road that I never thought that I would be at. But, I know I will survive!! This is just another bumb in the road, a large bumb, but not fatal.

I am still bulding my house and I am still going to Costa Rica in July to overseer the tile placement and anything else that I can add my two cents to. The house is slated to be in move in condition by the end of September. And there is where you will find me. Enjoying nature, the monkeys and the peace and serenity. And oh yes, the company of many good and dear friends.

Life "is" merely surviving, at least for the moment!!!

My blog site: https://livenow.travel

05/08/2026

TROUBLED WATERS - Troubled waters, failing health. My Petscan came back indicating that I have cancer once again in my Liver, in my lungs and oh yes a new location in my hip. The worst finding, if you can believe that it could get any worse, It showed a Mass in my brain, which is swollen. So my thought for the past month or so that I was getting Dementia was in actuality a result of this mass. So one good result of these findings is that I will die with my mind intact. I have been put on steroids to bring down the swelling and I must say that my mind is starting to go back to its normal self. I went for a brain MRI last week and the report came back indicating that I actually have two masses in my brain. One large and one small. The small one will be removed by radiation, the second, larger one, has to be removed by surgery, because it is not solid and in a location that requires surgery. I will however, get a going away gift of Gamma cells that will remain in my brain, they are radioactive, so that they can kill off any remaining cancer located in the pocket that is left by the surgery. I wonder if when I walk into a dark room, I will glow?? I should be having these procedures sometime later next week. All joking aside, I asked and I was told, that these procedures will not turn me into a vegetable. I am aware that there are no guarantees regarding surgical procedures, but the cancer is not in a bad location and the size, even the big one is located in a fold of my brain, not next to anything that could cause any great harm. God willing!!!! Or whoever makes those decisions.

The worst part about learning about my predicament is the waiting. Not being in control. No ability to make plans. I am not going to Idaho to get my possessions that I want for the Costa Rican house. I have been told by my doctors that they do not want me flying for fear of the swelling of the mass, which could cause more damage. My dear and unbelievable friend is going to help me get what I want shipped to Florida. I must say that I have great friends!!! They have all been so supportive!! I love you all!!!! And my family has come through for me as well!! Much support, love and friendship!!!

I have still been crying, but not for myself it seems. I believe beyond all reason that I am going to get through this once again. I will be tortured for a bit, but I do believe and expect to live a good life for the next ten years! I have been crying every time I think of Lewis. That he is not with me, supporting me, and helping me make such major decisions and of course loving me with all his heart. We loved each other for over 50 years, but we were still in love till the day he died. A big difference. A major difference!

So, I am still building my house in Costa Rica. I am still sending money, via wires, to my chagrin and I am still going to go there once I am through with all of these procedures. I will now have to wait until I have my first infusion of Her2 targeted cancer therapy. It is not chemo, and it is the only choice I have. The pill I was hoping to take for the Braci cells that my cancer had mutated into will not work. They work for a person who carries the gene from birth, but it is not effective enough for a mutated gene ,which is what I have, especially with all the new cancers in my body. I will need to take the infusion every three weeks. So I will be racking up a bunch of frequent flyer miles. It is doable and I will do it!!!

As I have always said, there are no guarantees that you will wake up in the morning! So enjoy every day no matter what is going on in your life. There is always something to smile about. It could just be the mere fact that you did indeed wake up! But do not leave it at that, find happiness, tell that person that you love them, hold out your hand to someone who could benefit from your support, be there as a friend and just do something for yourself, give yourself just a portion of your day, even if it is just 10 minutes, to feel good and know that you are important!!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!

04/22/2026

HARD EMOTIONS - Today is my 53rd anniversary, if only Lewis was still alive. So instead of celebrating the day, I am mourning the 3rd anniversary that I have spent without him. Needless to say, I am absolutely not celebrating this occasion! I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that he is really gone! I still feel as if one day I will turn a corner and he will be coming towards me. I do not know if it is wishful thinking or a coping mechanism that my mind has set into place in order to help me survive. Whichever it is, it does help until I realize that it is just not true. I think of Lewis daily, if not hourly. He is never far from my thoughts.
It is strange that since getting the news that my cancer came back, even with the good news of my cancer mutating into a Braci gene, I have been weepy. This I must state is not me. It is not my MO. That is not to say that I do not cry when there is death in the family, or there is a traumatic situation that is overwhelming, then I cry openly. But in other manageable situations I do not cry in front of people. I have not since I was about five years of age. It all started when I refused to cry in front of my father. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I would not give him the pleasure knowing that he had hurt me. And if I did cry I actually learned to cry silently, so no one would know. For this reason, I very infrequently, even when alone, cry. If you know me and spent time with me, I am sure you have seen me start to cry, tears fill my eyes, my mouth goes still, but then I pull myself together and stop myself from crying. So to find myself all of sudden on a daily basis crying is quite unusual. I believe my crying is due to my most recent prognosis; it really hit me hard. I am just getting so tired of this merry-go-round I am on. I am tired of fighting and worrying. I am not feeling sorry for myself. And I am not crying about my cancer, it is just the day to day remembrance of Lewis, or the small aggravating issues that arise, I seem to just break into tears. Something opened the flood gates to my emotions. And without Lewis here with me to go through this once again it really sucks!!! He is the one person who would take care of me and who would help me make the hard decisions. He was my love and support!!
I just took another DNA test this week and I will be seeing my oncologist next week. Then the following week I get a Pet Scan, then an MRI. These tests will determine if I stay on the new estrogen pill I am taking or if I go on a new set of pills that target the mutated Braci gene. At least I have a new pill to take, without the mutation I was out of medications available to me. So, I am relieved!!!
My house in Costa Rica is moving forward. By next week it will have all the walls up! It is looking phenomenal. I have a lot to do before it is finished, but I take one day at a time to accomplish what is needed. I cannot wait for the house to be done!!! I believe Costa Rica will be good for me. I will be able to rest and find tranquility there. And if this crying jag continues, at least it rains every day so no one will know that I have been crying. Life is fundamentally good, and I will persevere. I know one of these days I will run out of tears and my soul will be cleansed. I will look up and see the monkeys, the birds, the butterflies and all the beauty the world has to offer and I will once again smile!!! Find something to smile about even in the roughest moments. Look for the beauty in the world and enjoy every breath that you can take!!!
Life is not merely surviving!!!

03/28/2026

Reprieve - I went to the oncologist last week to take another blood test to make sure that the new pill that I am now taking, Inlurlyo, is not doing damage to my blood count and my liver. So, I arrived at my Oncologist office with a list of questions regarding new therapies that I found available while I was doing research. I have been doing my homework to find alternative treatments. I asked about: Ivermectin, Keytruda and stem cell treatments. My doctor answered all my questions and then stated that she sent my blood from the last time I saw her to another DNA lab. I surmise that she did not like the limited choices that she had to give me for my treatment; the pill which she does not have confidence in in its effectiveness or the Enhurtu infusion, which I refused to submit myself to. The new lab test showed that my cancer has mutated. This was surprising, because I have been having DNA testing all along which showed no mutations. What is even more surprising is that it showed my cancer to be mutating into a Bracki (BRCA1 or BRCA2), cancer cell. I have had two Bracki tests in the past, once in 2002 and then again in 2020 to make sure I am not a carrier and they both came out negative.
My doctor was thrilled that the findings showed the mutation. You may ask yourself, why is this so important? Well, it is very important to me, because it now opens up a new class of drugs that I can take for my cancer. The pills have been around for a while, and they are effective in targeting this mutated cancer gene. And more importantly they are different from any other medication I have taken in the past. So, the chances of them working are even greater. And it is administered in a pill form, which facilitates my ability to continue to travel.
I refused to take the infusion and because of that I believe my doctor was more inclined to do further research and try to pursue information that would lead to an alternative treatment. Had I gone forward with the infusion, my doctor may have looked no further and even if she had found that my cancer was mutating into the Backi gene,I do not believe that my treatment would have been changed once I started the infusion.
I have been reprieved!!!!! I actually did feel as if I was on death row! It took me a few days to finally pull myself together and realize that I am not ready to die and I must keep on living. So, I bought a ticket and here I am once again in Costa Rica building my home. Today the cement was poured for the foundation of the house and by the end of the week the walls will be up! The monkeys were in my trees watching the concrete being poured, it made me smile and made my day!!
So, like I always say, ask questions, make your own decisions and do not look at medical protocols as the words of God!!! You are an individual and force your doctor to see you that way!! And while you are doing that, enjoy your life, find happiness and love deeply!!! Smile, laugh and enjoy the ride!!

Life is not merely surviving!!!!!

03/16/2026

WHY? - I know what you are expecting: Why is this happening to me???? But no, that question was asked way back when I first got cancer in 2002 and it was asked by my mother. My response to her at the time and even now it would be the same answer to the question: why not me???? It is a non-exclusive club that is made up of too many people and one that has no criteria for joining other than the necessity to have a breast. So no, that is not the question. The question that I get from many people about my blog is; Why are you writing your blog, being that it is so personal? Well, I thought long and hard before I started to write it and I realized that it could actually be beneficial for some people. I have seen on too many occasions a person get so wrapped up in the diagnosis of Cancer that they lose sight of anything other than trying to deal with arresting the progression and/or curing the disease. They forget that they have a life to live separate from the disease and the treatment. They lose sight of what is important in their day to day living. I try to use my blog to remind them of what is significant about life even if you have cancer.

Now, I am not saying that I am solely altruistic in writing my blog. To me writing is cathartic. I put down how I feel and all the facts surrounding what is going on and it allows me to get it out of my system. Writing has always been that way for me. On a daily basis I write in my head, what I think, what I would or should have said, conversations with others working out my differences and even what I will write in my blog prior to putting it down on paper. It works for me. It is amazing how once you put it all down in a coherent format and you can look at it all, then the hurt, the fear, the questions, and even the significance of the diagnosis seems to dissipate to some extent.

Like I have said on so many occasions, life is worth living! And no one should waste even a day!!! But for me, the question is; what kind of life? I personally do not believe in prolonging my life just to exist. I will give up days, months and even years, if the life that I live is going to be one in pain, anguish and consist only of treatment after treatment. I will weigh the treatment and the effect on my life to determine what I will consent to in regards to the doctors suggestions. Remember and most do not, that it is your life, and your body. It is for you to decide if you will take the doctors recommendations and go through with the suggested treatments. It is your decision and yours alone. And if you have a doctor that will not allow you to decide or question his recommendations. Then look for a new doctor immediately. They are not gods, just mortal men and women who have been trained in a limited scope of medicine. I will say, if you find a good doctor, they do know what they are talking about, but you must ask questions and push them to make sure that they see you as a person and not merely a statistic.

Open your eyes and see the beauty in the world!! Look for that which makes you happy and content. Do not waste a moment, because nobody knows when it will be their last day. So many variables play in the equation that it is just a calculated guess. Find love, express it every time you can and smile, laugh, and savor your moments. then look cancer in the eye and say you will beat it!! And believe it wholly in your heart and mind!!! Then you will have a fighting chance.

Life is not merely surviving!!!!! https://livenow.travel/why/