Food Alkhemix, 915 E Ojai Ave, Ojai, CA (2026)

09/04/2026

When you are looking for an answer, return to love. -Jens

09/04/2026

Grief is not linear.

All I remember after my brother died was that the first time I cried was days later at the funeral when my friend's mother hugged me. I was 12, he was 10. Due to the genetic disease he had, I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock.

My sister died of the same disease - I was 15, she was just shy of 9. My parents dropped me off at school the next day and went to work. The teachers asked me why I was there. I said I was fine. I was frozen in trauma. Feeling was too much.

Grief was not a part of life. I never mourned the loss of pets, much less siblings.

It wasn't until many decades later did I invite grief in.

And good Goddess, did grief have a lot to say.

Today, I know how to sit with my grief, as it comes in waves and cycles. I let it move through me, without rushing it.

To many around me, esp my family, it can seem like I haven't figured out the "next stage in my life." We have been so programmed to acheive, produce, and move on, that allowing with presence can look like stuck energy.

It's not stuck. It's simply processing and transforming.

A caccoon is not a stuck caterpillar.

The other day, as the sun shone bright on a beautiful day I could not get out of bed. My body hurt with grief mourning the old versiom of me.

Loss of identity as I voluntarily retired from a career I did not enjoy but spent an entire life working towards, as well as mutually ending a 17 year partnership, selling our home, downsizing my life, changing my daughter's life, overhauling my entire belief system, and surrendering to constant uncertainty as I tread uncharted paths.

Then there is the loss of my baby as she moves into her teen years, and the loss of the me I knew as hormones drastically shift in my body.

My mind says "get out of bed & do something", but the grief says "be still."

And when I allow myself to feel, I realize I am still that young child in mourning, scared, confused, angry at God, myself, the world.

No wonder I don't want to get out of bed. Grief has something to say.

So I stay in bed and feel.

That is more productive than anything else I could have done.

In that stillness of feeling, I can finally breathe.

08/31/2026

I remembered an one of life's greatest paradoxes while on a solo camping trip...

The fear of death is essentially a fear of living.

We naturally fear death. But that fear causes us to desire certainty, control, and stick to what we know. It results in people outsourcing authority, staying in victim mode, and seeking a safe, often average, life.

So many people miss out on the range of emotions that lie at the extremes - the moments when God is met in those lowest of lows and the highest of highs. Those moments are found out of our comfort zone.

Of course you can feel the grandiosity of life and God in every day moments - the synchronicity that leaves you inspired, the smell of a flower that opens your senses, or the affectionate nuzzle of a pup - and that happens when we are present, embodied, and allowing life in.

The more we live, truly live, the less we grip onto fear.

The less we grip onto fear, the more risks we take in the desire to experience and feel more.

The less we grip onto fear, the more imperfect we are willing to be.

The more imperfect we are, the more shadows we are willing to acknowledge, see, and integrate.

The more shadow we integrate, the more wholly alive we become. It is through the darkness that the light shines.

It is through death that we have life. It is through life that we get to experience death. When we fear death, we stop the flow of life.

Are you allowing yourself to pause, take in, and smell the flower or is your subconcious that helicopter parent yelling stop watch out for the pollen that could make you sneeze, the bees that could sting, the thorns that could prick, the dirt that could stain, the time that is lost because you are late, and on and on...

Where do you hold yourself back from living? How does your subconscious act - in fear or curiosity?

Where ever you feel stuck in your life, take a look at what maybe needs to die - to be recycled, reformed, or released. What are you holding onto so tightly that it can't breathe life?

Let it become the compost for new life to sprout. Take risks. Be bold. Be brave. Have courage. Trust yourself. Find the power in you.

Reach out if you need guidance or help.

08/26/2026

Something happened to me on this trip.

Every day surrendered to a divine plan greater than me, I allowed myself to be led rather than plan. I allowed myself to be the vessel through which source experienced life on Earth.

This trip was a reclamation of sorts, a rememberance of me. All of me.

I felt freedom, liberation, lightness be embodied to levels I didn't know possible. I felt held by Mother Earth, and Divine forces.

I have always spoken with trees but something shifted and they took me through levels of initiation. The trees everywhere I went would lead me off trail into portals to teach me about frequency, embodiment, letting go, Earth harmony, freedom, individuation, family, and connection. I was given tests and I knew when I passed. It was an immediate upgrade in my beingness...as if my physicality dissolved giving room for expansion and a new sense emerged. I could feel the synarchy embodied.

The fire showed me my power.

The water showed me how to feel and cleanse.

The wind showed me the way to go.

And I was surrounded by divine light beings, in the etheral realm, as animal messengers, as humans.

Every day was better than the last as I expanded into my beingness and mission.

I did more than re-member. I embodied.

The witch. The sorceress. The magician. The divine luminous being. All of it within.

I let my ideas of self go, leaned on source and asked to be led... what I found was me. I fell more deeply in love with myself. And that allowed me to fall more deeply in love with all of life...ALL of life. To let go of the stories and be witness to the unfolding.

I am humbled. Awed. And deeply Grateful.

08/22/2026

“I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.” — attributed to Rumi

It has been the most wild and magickal journey. All of it for right now. This moment. And this moment. It never ends. The gratitude for this moment right now.

All of life is ceremony.

08/16/2026

Something happened before, during, and after this eclipse. I feel like I have officially stepped into a version of me I never knew was possible.

I was given a rare opportunity in life: a blank slate for 1 week. All my plans fell apart and suddenly I had a gift of time that had no imprints on it.

I got to sit for 7 days in my own energy. Trust, be led, and follow.

Surrender has been my modus oprandi since I left my old life behind which began with a big overhaul - exiting a life long career at my peak that was still rising - and officially revoking my right to vote 8 years ago.

I never knew how interconnected those two actions were for me to be who I am today. Someone who is self governed, trusting inner authority, and looks within to solve world problems.

For the first time in my life I can sit perfectly comfortable in uncertainty. Not knowing.

These days again and again I am being forced to reliquish all control, stories, ideas of myself, my plans and goals and allow the universe to lead me on a grand adventure.

I never know what kind of magick will unfold but it all feels so divinely orchestrated and purposeful.

I noticed something the other day. I have been moving through life over the last several weeks with zero anxiety...which I never thought possible.

I am no longer addicted to the adrenaline rush that is cultivated in us through drama, headlines, caffeine, not enoughness, rushing, endless lists, separation and so much more.

I no longer feel late or that something must be completed in this lifetime. I am working on projects and towards building, but that not enough time feeling is no longer pushing me. And as a result, I am creating even more.

This is all possible because I feel safe in life. Safe in my body. Safe in this existance.

I am not alone. I never have been and I can see it so clearly now. All I need to do is follow the trail that is being laid out for me. I am grateful.

08/08/2026

The Lion's Gate on 8/8 is not a day. It is a frequency that you can choose to tap into.

The 8/8 is considered to be the peak of this energy that is marked by heliachal rising of the Sirius star in the night sky.

This time symbolized abundance to the Ancient Egyptians because it meant Nile would rise and allow for goodness such as the watering of crops, and smooth sailing for trade routes.

The link between the water and the sky should not be sidelined, but it is another discussion.

The Ancient Egyptians didn't have the modern Gregorian calender. So they didn't have the 8th day of the 8th month of the year lining up with an astrological Leo the Lion to celebrate.

The Lion's Gate 8/8 portal is essentially made up new age spirituality.

But it is also very real. Beacause it taps into the egregore set by ancient Egypt of abundance, fertileness, and richness in our material plane while honoring the greater cycles of life that was witnessed in the night sky.

8/8 is a time for us to remember ritual in our busy modern day life. To take a moment to feel into the ever present abundance that exists around us.

We spend so much of our frequency in lack - what we don't have, why we are not good enough, what is wrong with the world - this portal reminds us that what we need has always been and will always be provided for.

Can we be grateful for the sun rise? For the food on our plate? For water that flows? For the tree that gives oxygen and for our beautiful body that knows how to receive that oxygen and return CO2 to be in relationship?

When we turn the 8 on its side, we see an infinity symbol - an energy that goes out and returns back to the center and goes out again, over and over, never ending. As we collectively move into our heart space we too can send this energy in and out seeding this infinite abundance witg love.

This bold beautiful abundant frequency is always there but this portal reminds us to return back to it and honor it.

So celebrate today by tapping into the frequency of the Lion's Gate.

And if you are in Ojai, I am offering a sound bath tonight Light and Space at 6.30pm.

Happy Lion's Gate!

08/03/2026

It's taken me nearly 50 years to learn the meaning of life on Earth.

It's not to work hard.

It's to play while working.

Life is about play. No matter what the task, insert some lightness and fun.

📸 Barbara Doux

07/31/2026

Learning to surrender, trust, and play in God's court.

07/30/2026

My greatest teacher, again and again.

Every day I am with her, she humbles me. Being her mother has required me to uplevel myself at lightening speed, because her wisdom surpasses almost anyone I know. Truly. The way she can break down any situation, see through the veil, and analyze humans is like standing before a master. She is still growing up, but her ability to understand nuance and complexity of life at her age is far beyond most three times her age.

Being her mother is one of the hardest classes I have taken in Earth School. She laid into me last night - eloquently & fiercely reflecting to back to me with precise detail about my behavior, actions, and the stories I am still addicted to. She also mirrored to me in her behavior showing me parts of myself at her age, as well as in relationship with my mother was like 20 years of psychotherapy and many ayahuasca ceremonies in 2 hours.

Gratefully, now, this version of me is able to not just hear it, but to recieve it, and take it in. It was like a brutal beatdown of truth from my teacher - the loving kind for which one's shadows must be exposed for the soul to shine.

F**k.

She requires me to be my greatest most aligned self to be a decent mother to her, barely scratching the edge of the mother she deserves.

I have to remind myself she chose me. I am who she chose to be with. What a priveledge and a blessing 😭

Last night, I got to be and do something that rippled through the timelines forward and backward and across the multiverse. Together we broke those patterns. She had a firehose to release and I was already tired and overwhelmed before it began. We both did then work to regulate no matter how tense it got. She stayed the child and I stayed the mother. And yet I fully received her wisdom and divine transmission without heirarchy. I loved her and held her and told her she was going to be amazing at whatever she did in life because she understood humans and human nature so deeply. We rewired the shackles of our mother daughter lineage, family lineage, and embodied a deeper form of authenticity, being seen and heard with out fear, and unconditional love.

Thank you to my teacher.

Food Alkhemix

09/04/2026

09/04/2026

08/31/2026

08/26/2026

08/22/2026

08/16/2026

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