08/26/2026
Some of the things I spent years trying to change about myself were things I actually needed to learn how to use.
I am—and always been—a highly sensitive, emotional person.
But somewhere along the way, I learned to turn that part of myself off.
I remember having a foreign exchange student spend the summer with us. We had so much fun together, and when it was time for her to go home, I was really sad.
But I couldn't cry.
I remember her looking at me and saying, "Not even for me?"
But ... I couldn't.
I know it hurt her feelings. We had planned to be pen pals, but I never heard from her again.
Years later, when my daughter had cancer, I didn't cry then either.
I just handled it.
Catheter flushing and bandage changes. Doctor appointments. Taking care of her. Taking care of the rest of my family. Whatever needed to happen next, I did it.
Very matter-of-factly. At the time, I think I saw that as strength.
But eventually I realized that shutting down my sensitivity wasn't really serving me.
And I later learned it really wasn't serving the people I loved either.
Then, through therapy and learning about my temperament, I started finding that sensitive part of myself again.
It was still there. Just buried underneath a really thick wall.
And as that wall started coming down, I started finding ME again.
I'm highly sensitive. I feel things deeply. Sometimes really deeply.
And there are moments when life hurts and, just for a second, I think it might be easier to go back to not feeling so much.
But honestly, I never would. I can't go back there.
I wouldn't trade my sensitivity to avoid the pain because I would also be giving up so much of my capacity for connection, compassion, love, meaning—and joy.
I spent a lot of years thinking this was something about myself I needed to change.
What I really needed was to learn how to care for it. How to regulate it. How to use it.
Because I don't want to become less sensitive.
đź’śBeing fully me is all I ever really wanted to be. đź’ś
