Doherty Relationship Institute

Doherty Relationship Institute Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

One of the core ideas behind Discernment Counseling is that understanding yourself matters, regardless of the outcome of...
06/17/2026

One of the core ideas behind Discernment Counseling is that understanding yourself matters, regardless of the outcome of the marriage.

When couples only focus on the other person’s failures, they often miss the patterns they themselves carry into relationships.

Discernment Counseling helps each spouse reflect on:
• Their own contributions to the relationship dynamic
• The patterns that developed over time
• What they may carry into future relationships if nothing changes

Because clarity is not only about deciding whether to stay or leave.

It is also about understanding what you are bringing with you moving forward.

Many people assume avoiding marriage protects couples from the pain of divorce.But long-term research on cohabitating co...
06/10/2026

Many people assume avoiding marriage protects couples from the pain of divorce.

But long-term research on cohabitating couples tells a more complicated story.

By year five, about 80% of cohabitating couples have either broken up or decided to marry.

Commitment decisions matter because uncertainty eventually asks to be resolved.
That is one reason Discernment Counseling is so important for couples on the brink.

Rather than staying stuck in limbo, Discernment Counseling helps couples slow down, understand what has happened in the relationship, and move toward a more intentional decision about their future.

Clarity matters.
Especially when the stakes are high.

Learn more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

Sometimes couples say:“We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work.”But what if the real issue is that the couple wa...
06/03/2026

Sometimes couples say:
“We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work.”

But what if the real issue is that the couple was never truly ready for couples therapy in the first place?

When one partner is leaning out and the other is desperate to save the marriage, therapy can quickly become polarized, pressured, and stuck.

Discernment Counseling was designed for this exact moment.

Not to fix the marriage.
Not to push divorce.
But to help couples gain clarity before deciding what comes next.

Sometimes slowing the process down is what finally moves it forward.

Most therapists were never formally trained to work with couples where one partner is leaning out of the marriage.And ye...
05/27/2026

Most therapists were never formally trained to work with couples where one partner is leaning out of the marriage.

And yet, these are some of the most common and challenging cases.

Discernment Counseling training gives you a clear, structured approach for these moments.

In this training, you’ll learn how to:
• Work effectively with mixed-agenda couples
• Navigate sessions without taking sides
• Help each partner reflect on their role in the relationship
• Guide couples toward clarity and confidence about their next step

This is not traditional couples therapy.

It is a short-term, specialized protocol designed to help couples decide whether to work on the marriage or move toward separation.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, uncertain, or like you were working harder than the couple, this training was built for you.

Learn more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

A study by Bill Doherty and colleagues found that:👉 40% of couples reported at least one undermining statement from thei...
05/20/2026

A study by Bill Doherty and colleagues found that:
👉 40% of couples reported at least one undermining statement from their therapist.

These included statements like:
• “You may be incompatible”
• “This relationship may be beyond repair”
• Suggesting divorce too early
• Shifting to individual therapy instead of working as a couple

These moments often come from therapist frustration, especially with difficult or stuck cases.

But the impact is significant.

Undermining statements were linked to:
• Poorer outcomes
• Shorter duration of therapy

This highlights something important for our field.

Couples therapy is complex work. Without a clear framework, even experienced therapists can feel stuck and lose direction.

Discernment Counseling was developed to support therapists in exactly these high-stakes situations, especially when couples are on the brink and clarity is missing.

No matter what decision someone makes about their marriage, they bring themselves with them.Their patterns.Their reactio...
05/13/2026

No matter what decision someone makes about their marriage, they bring themselves with them.

Their patterns.
Their reactions.
Their ways of relating.

Without taking time to understand those patterns, they are likely to show up again in the next relationship.

Discernment Counseling creates space for that kind of reflection.

It helps each spouse look at their own contributions to what has happened in the marriage, while also understanding the dynamic between them.

Because clarity is not just about whether to stay or leave.
It is about what each person carries forward.

Learn more about the Discernment Counseling process:
https://discernmentcounseling.com/

This might go against how many of us were trained.But not every couple is ready for couples therapy.When one partner is ...
05/06/2026

This might go against how many of us were trained.

But not every couple is ready for couples therapy.

When one partner is still deciding whether they want to stay in the marriage, jumping into repair work can actually create more resistance, not less.

Sometimes the most effective move is not to begin therapy.

It is to pause and help the couple figure out what they want before asking them to work on it.

Have you ever started couples therapy and later realized the timing was off?

Most couples therapy training assumes one thing:That both partners are ready to work on the relationship.But what about ...
04/29/2026

Most couples therapy training assumes one thing:
That both partners are ready to work on the relationship.

But what about the couples where:
• One partner is leaning out
• The other wants to save the marriage
• And neither is sure what to do next

This is where many therapists feel stuck.

Our Discernment Counseling training provides a structured, short-term approach designed specifically for these cases.

It helps therapists:
• Work confidently with mixed-agenda couples
• Avoid premature or ineffective couples therapy
• Guide couples toward clarity and direction

This is not about replacing your current approach.

It is about knowing what to do when couples therapy is not the right starting point.

One of the most important parts of Discernment Counseling is helping each partner look at their own contributions to the...
04/20/2026

One of the most important parts of Discernment Counseling is helping each partner look at their own contributions to the relationship dynamic.

Not to assign blame.
Not to force reconciliation.

But to reduce the risk of repeating the same patterns.

When people leave a marriage without that level of understanding, they often carry those blind spots into future relationships.

Clarity is not just about the decision.
It is about what each person takes with them moving forward.

Find out more at: www.discernmentcounseling.com/

Did you know that second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages?One reason often overlooked:Man...
04/10/2026

Did you know that second marriages have an even higher divorce rate than first marriages?

One reason often overlooked:
Many individuals carry unresolved patterns from their previous relationship into the next.

Without taking time to understand what happened and their own contributions to the problems, those patterns tend to repeat.

Discernment Counseling addresses this directly.

It helps individuals step back and ask:
What have I learned from this relationship?

What am I bringing into the next one if nothing changes?

Because the goal is not just deciding whether to stay or leave.

It is making a more informed decision about how to move forward.

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Saint Paul, MN
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