06/01/2026
One of the most interesting things about getting older is realizing how many relationships you’ve maintained out of obligation, familiarity, shared history, or shared identity.
Not necessarily because there was true alignment.
For a long time, I thought having things in common was enough.
The same interests.
The same experiences.
The same beliefs.
The same wounds.
Sometimes it is.
But not always.
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve found myself asking different questions.
Do I trust this person?
Do I respect how they move through the world?
Do they take accountability?
Can they be honest with themselves?
Can they be honest with others?
I’ve become far less interested in who someone says they are and far more interested in how they show up.
And honestly, I think many of us have been taught to ignore those instincts.
To prioritize loyalty over alignment.
History over character.
Obligation over discernment.
I’m curious:
What qualities have become non-negotiable for you in friendship and community as you’ve gotten older?