06/12/2026
What do you say to a person who has cancer? As this cancer patient and advocate offers, “Sometimes the most helpful thing anyone can say is: ‘That sounds really hard’, ‘I’m here’, ‘You don’t have to explain yourself to me’”. There is no need to offer advice or how you would feel or handle the situation - or perhaps worst of all, ignore the person for fear of not knowing what to say. Provide them with safety, provide them with unconditional support, provide them with genuine care from the heart.
The hardest part of cancer wasn’t cancer.
I know that sounds strange to say.
The treatments were difficult. The scans were stressful. The uncertainty could be downright exhausting. There is no question that cancer itself changes your life in ways most people never have to think about.
But one thing that caught me completely off guard was how many opinions showed up after my diagnosis.
Suddenly everyone had something I should be doing.
A different diet. A supplement. A doctor. A treatment. An article. A podcast. A friend of a friend who knew someone who cured their cancer by doing something I had never heard of.
And before anyone comes for me, I know most people mean well. They want to help. They care. They don’t want to see someone they love suffer.
But when you’re the one living it, all those suggestions can start to feel heavy.
Because while everyone else is offering ideas, you’re the one sitting in the waiting room. You’re the one reading scan reports. You’re the one managing appointments, medications, side effects, insurance calls, and trying to hold your life together while navigating a diagnosis you never asked for.
Cancer already comes with a tremendous mental load. Sometimes what feels supportive to others can become just one more thing for a patient to carry.
I’ve learned that one of the greatest gifts you can give someone with cancer isn’t advice.
It’s trust.
Trust that they’re asking questions.
Trust that they’re doing their research.
Trust that they’re working with their medical team.
Trust that they’re making the best decisions they can with the information they have.
Sometimes people don’t need another recommendation. They need a safe place to put down the weight they’re already carrying.
Sometimes the most helpful thing anyone can say is:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m here.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
Those words don’t solve cancer. But they sure can make someone feel a little less alone while they’re walking through it.
For those who have been through cancer, what is something you wish people understood about living with it?
