Dr. Nari Jeter, Marriage and Family Therapist

09/09/2026

We often talk about adult-child estrangement as though it happens because an adult child is holding a grudge about something their parents did years ago.

But that’s not always what’s happening.

Most adult children understand that their parents weren’t perfect. They can recognize the limitations of their parents’ own childhoods, the circumstances they were raised in, and the ways their parents were simply doing the best they knew how.

What becomes much harder to live with is when the adult child tries to talk about the impact of those experiences—and there is no room for the conversation.

No accountability.
No curiosity.
No repair.
No willingness to respect boundaries.

Instead, there may be denial, defensiveness, blame, minimization, guilt, or an insistence that the adult child should simply “move on.”

And over time, the adult child may stop asking:

“How do I get my parent to understand?”

and start asking:

“What do I need to do to protect my own emotional well-being?”

That’s an important distinction.

Estrangement isn't always about punishing a parent for the past.

Sometimes it’s about responding to what the relationship continues to feel like in the present.

And understanding your parent’s story does not mean you have to keep participating in a relationship that is harmful to you.

09/04/2026

Oh they want reasons? Give ‘em these reasons 😬

08/25/2026

Sometimes it’s hard to carry so many feelings, but there’s nothing else I’d rather do.

When your says they care about you, believe them 🤍

08/21/2026

Why do family members stop speaking to each other, and how can they reconnect? We're seeing it happen right now with the royal family as Prince Harry and Meghan head back to the UK.

After six years of raising their family in California, the next chapter for Prince Harry and Meghan includes returning to the U.K. for an extended period

08/08/2026

How do couples do separation successfully when the word is so vague?

We have built entire industries and professions around getting married and getting divorced, but no one teaches us how to separate.

In my recent Substack post, I detail the three different types of separation I've seen in my 20 years as a marriage and family therapist, and why it's important to name them.

https://substack.com//note/p-210340359?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=78104g

08/07/2026

"Which kind?" is the question almost nobody asks a separating couple — including the couple themselves.

I've been a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 20 years, and I can tell you where separations actually go wrong. It's rarely the distance. It's the ambiguity about what the distance is for. That ambiguity creates anxiety, distance, and even more conflict.

A restoration separation, a trial separation, and a pre-divorce separation are three different seasons with three different rules. When two people are quietly living two different ones, every text, every boundary, every quiet weekend gets read through the wrong framework. Nobody's healing. Nobody's deciding. They're just hurting each other from different addresses.

So if you're separating, or considering it: name it out loud. You don't have to agree on which one you're in. But you each deserve to know where the other stands.

And if you want help with what comes after the naming — the boundaries, the finances, the kids, the "can he still stop by the house" questions — I've put my complete framework into The Guided Separation Agreement, a workbook you and your spouse complete together. It's the process I use with couples in my practice.

🔗 Link in bio, or drnarijeter.com

If this post found you at the right (hard) time — save it. You'll want the naming exercise on the last slide again.

07/16/2026

Separation is already difficult. Doing it without a plan and guidance is just bringing the conflict to two different households. Here's my recent blog post on how to make separation more peaceful.

"We've decided to separate."When a couple says this in my office, my next question surprises them: "Which kind?"They usually look at each other, confused — and understandably so. Nobody teaches you how to separate, and most couples believe separation is one thing: a pause, a gap, a held breath bet...

07/13/2026

A new post on my blog that hits very close to home, both from my childhood and professional experiences. It's one of the most dreaded conversations parents have: How do we tell our kids about the divorce?

I see couples who rely on therapy as the final decider for the path of their marriage. But when they conclude they've done all they could and divorce is the next step, the immediate question is: "How do we tell the kids?" I know in that moment they're not just asking for the right words. What loving...

05/22/2026

Adult children struggling with their parents can look past parents who wanted their children to be successful, or who were busy, tired, had limited means, or had to work hard to provide.

What adult children today can't reckon with is the emotionally unhealthy backdrop of how parents dealt with their own feelings.....when they feared for their children's future..disagreed with children's decisions..or had needs/wants the parents couldn't meet.

If you have an adult child who isn't speaking to you right now, that can be extremely painful. That's why I will say this clearly and plainly:

If you want to repair that relationship, you must come to terms with your children having different experiences and feelings about how they were raised than you have about raising them.

They experienced their childhood as a child. You experienced their childhood as an adult.

Get curious.
Ask questions.
Validate their childhood feelings that they experienced through the mind, heart, and body of a childhood.

Forgive yourself.
Express regret.
Ask for forgiveness.
Learn how to do better (maybe therapy would help).

When parents and adult children are both willing to try, it can get better.

05/08/2026

🧠Most of my clients know what boundaries they want to set. Their intuition is spot on. They’re not bad at setting boundaries.

They’re just afraid to set them because of what might come after.

The disappointment.�The conflict.�The guilt.�The distance.�The possibility that someone may see a version of you they don’t like.

Boundaries aren’t hard because you’re weak.
�They’re hard because they change relationships.Boundaries aren’t hard because you’re weak.�They’re hard because they change relationships.

❓But isn’t change what you need?

You know the boundary.
You know why you want to set it.

The next step is accepting and embracing what may come after.