Sexual Trauma is a Taboo Subject and a BIG reason 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 4 boys are molested, raped and/or trafficked for sex before the age of 18. SHAME and our hesitancy to listen and encourage victims and survivors to speak openly about their experience of molestation, rape, incest, trafficking, marital/date rape, etc. has enabled the perpetrator cycle to continue and grow exponentially. It is also the reason that so many childhood survivors choose abusers as partners in life; continuing the legacy of silent pain and destruction. I was abandoned by both parents at the age of 6 months and molested by 5 different males before the age of 11. I was raped by my Uncle at the age of 14, statutorily raped by my 19 year old boyfriend, also at 14, and married a violent, abusive alcoholic at 18. I had 3 children out of wedlock (because I didn't believe in a happy marriage). After years of therapy, I married a second time and had 2 more children. I stayed because he quit drinking and went to AA and SA (for sex addicts). Despite his best efforts in his recovery programs, during our 17 years of marriage, he embezzled $209,000 from me (bankrupted me), confessed to at least 5 infidelities, and plead the Fifth in open court as to whether he molested children (a girl and a boy a few years before he met and married a woman with 3 kids). My children and my closest friends have a difficult time understanding and have confessed to me that they once thought that I must have been promiscuous or did something to bring these abuses upon myself, but I was always well mannered and ladylike (the opposite of promiscuous). I always felt ASHAMED and my family made it worse by telling me to stop talking about my recovery because it makes others uncomfortable. My complicity in the phenomenon was that I had a low sense of self worth and that drew abusers to me. My mission in life now is to support other survivors who might need an ear or a shoulder. Being abandoned by both parents left me feeling worthless and alone. They were the very people who were supposed to love me and protect me unconditionally. It took decades for me to realize that being an attractive little girl with no parental protection was what made me a target; and that it wasn't my fault. However, the trauma of rejection, molestation and rape made me numb which opened the door for my relationships to also treat me like an object rather than a loved one. Although I had done work in therapy to let myself love and be loved, upon ending long term relationships, I was raped by 2 former lovers (one was my second husband). Even with decades of self help books and therapy, my ability to sense who was toxic and who was safe remained impaired. I was so starved for unconditional acceptance, I was an easy mark for cons and manipulators. I blamed myself in childhood and finally learned to love myself in adulthood. However, I still struggle with boundaries. I've been in recovery for codependency since I was 17. My kids are now grown, but I still need help from other loving souls to set boundaries, hold boundaries and to maintain a happy life surrounded by good people instead of users and takers. This page is intended to be a support to others who might benefit from my experience and who might also further my recovery; as we all have something to learn! Lets talk about it! Shall we?
