05/28/2026
5/28/26 @2:12am
It’s been 5 months today since the world learned to move on without you, and I still don’t understand how, I don’t think I ever will.
The sun still rises. People still laugh. Traffic still moves. Songs still play. The moon still returns.
But beneath it all is a silence only I can hear. A deafening absence that settles into bone and permanently rewrites a person.
Kerry was never temporary or casual. He wasn’t someone who passed through leaving photos and fading conversations. He was the kind of man who changed the atmosphere just by entering a room, a soul that left fingerprints on everything he touched.
Loving him felt like standing beside a roaring winter fire…..safe, consumed, alive.
Losing him feels like surviving after the fire went out while still breathing its smoke.
I still gather things for him, a sunset, a song, a written poem, a moment I know would’ve made him laugh. My heart still turns to him before reality catches up.
That’s one of the hardest parts, not just tears or loneliness.
It’s the reflex of loving someone no longer within reach.
5 months later, grief is less like drowning and more like wandering dark ruins with no exit. I’ve learned to walk again but differently, slower, heavier, as if part of me was buried with him.
There are nights I still reach for him in my mind out of instinct, like muscle memory refusing to accept absence, and mornings where the quiet feels heavier than sound itself, pressing into everything until even breathing feels aware of what’s missing.
Still, something sacred remains. To love him this deeply and still feel his deep love echo back while carrying his absence is a testimony of what we had. It didn’t pass through us, it reshaped us. We grew together, changed together, fell deeper every day.
I’m grateful for what we were given, the time we had, and how we kept it ours, away from the world. It was sacred and protected, never for the attention this world craves.
I wouldn’t trade our love to escape the pain. I would live it again and again even knowing how it ends, because loving him is something I’ll never find words big enough for.
One day further away. One day closer.
I love you always Kerry!
Forever Yours!
