05/10/2026
i’ve been thinking a lot about mental health lately
tw: su***de, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation
probably because mine hasn’t been so great lately
but may is also mental health awareness month (in addition to melanoma awareness month)
and the worst thing we can do is not talk about it
a few days ago, my mom read to me a post i shared three years ago where i said my advice is to treat mental health as much as we treat our physical health
in that post and in chapter 2 of my book, i wrote about the time i sat at a red light and wished i was no longer here
i sat at that same red light today (although with a lot more construction cones) and reflected on how far i’ve come
i know myself on a much deeper level than i did that day and have so much awareness around my emotions
i have a stronger support system, a deeper toolkit for managing anxiety and depression, and more resources to rely on when i can’t manage it on my own
i lost someone i love a few months ago and it haunts me that i had no idea she was hurting so much (or feeling so little that life didn’t seem like something to fight for)
it’s hard to explain to others outside the cancer community how you can fight to live, then not want to be here anymore once you’re on the other side
what scares me most is not just that i related to how my friend was feeling but that i’ve felt it too, many times
i would give anything to be able to call her, to see her in our next advocacy committee call, to meet up with her in denver this summer, to go to capitol hill together again
i want to tell her she’s not alone but i’ve felt alone, even surrounded by others
i’ve recognized a bit of my own light dimming the last few months as i’ve managed burnout, injury, and health issues with myself and my parents
i realized i can’t remember the last time i truly took care of my physical and mental health and i feel it
this summer, i’m investing in and focusing on me
i owe it to my family, to my friends, to those i’ve lost, to my students, but most importantly, i owe it to ME
we only get one life and we owe it to ourselves to relentlessly chase life every day, even when it’s hard.
especially when it’s hard