05/19/2014
I’m a Mom, Not a W***e
As a Mom who has children with different fathers, I’ve been served up ripe for judgment from quite a few people. Even some near, but not quite so dear to me anymore. So here’s my perspective on MY situation.
I have three beautiful children. A pre-teen son from my previous 15 yr relationship (5yrs dating & 10 years married) and two gorgeous little girls. They have three different Dads.
First of all, no - this is not what I wanted or planned for my life. I don’t ever recall as a 15yr girl sitting in my bedroom of parent’s home thinking “I sure hope to grow up and get married and have a kid and my marriage fail so that I can have two more by someone else. That would be So Freaking Great!” Especially since my parents were happily married and I was the baby of 14 children (yes….all One Mom and One Dad) Secondly, I don’t think I am much different than most women in the mid-thirties, I’ve had failed relationships, and some situations weren’t exactly under my control. Otherwise, I may still be married! Well, ACTUALLY, I probably AM a little different, because despite the fact that I have “3 Baby Daddies” I can count on my hand the amount of men I’ve been intimate with. Do I wish I’d made better choices in my life? YES. Would I undo anything in my life? NO, not for a million dollars.
Anyway, I’ve met a lot of presumptuous people since I gave birth to my 2nd & 3rd child. And I’m beginning to think that people sometimes are VERY quick to judge other people’s situation without having a clue as to the road they have traveled. And quite frankly, they truly don’t care to know, they just ignorantly pass judgment. I’ve also met a lot of kind-hearted people. But to keep true to the spirit of why I am posting this, I’m just going to talk about the presumptuous ones.
So here we go, here are the people I’ve refrained from throat punching because of hurtful comments they tend to toss around without thinking:
The Great American Perfect Family:
I teach my son that everyone’s family is different. Some families this day and age don’t even consist of the typical one mom, one dad scenario! But some people obviously didn’t get that speech and unfortunately won’t instill the same truth to their kids. The Great American Family likes to look at my family and think, “What a jacked up situation. Those poor kids are gonna be messed up.”
Thanks for your sympathy & concern, but actually we’re good! This may not be an ideal situation, however, my kids are fantastic! They are happy, energetic, loving, children. They are very close knit and they love each other and their Fathers just like your children do. Every family is different but if you raise your kids right, and take time with them and love them they will turn out just fine. I know kids from The Great American Family, that ended up pretty screwed up despite having the One Mom and One Dad scenario!
The Unadulterated Ones:
Apparently, I'm impure . “She has three kids with three different men. She must be a w***e!” While I've obviously had more than one s*xual partner, I can proudly say I knew each one personally and were friends before lovers. Having multiple fathers does that mean that I have casual s*x, bring strange men home, or introduce my children to every man I date. In fact, my son was only introduced to one man and he is my youngest daughter’s father. I don’t date and club, I’m a Mom, I have other more important tasks at hand, like teaching my 2yr her ABCs and assisting my son with lessons, because he does cyber-school. Yeah, I’m a 24hr Mom! I do it all, all on my own, I don’t have time to be a w***e!
The “Responsible” Ones:
This is because I am also apparently, not just a w***e but an irresponsible one. This goes back to people judging situations, people thinking they know someone’s path but don’t care to truly find out. I know what a condom & birth control are. Not that it's any of their business but, if you care to spread my business, then first kindly ask. I am more than willing to share my journey. My son, I was married, and we started a family. My daughter, I had known her father for years and despite taking precautions it happened. It wasn't ideal timing but a part of me was elated because I had always wanted more children but my ex-husband wouldn't allow it. As for my 3rd, well she was somewhat of a surprise. I was told I couldn't get pregnant at the time, but obviously they were wrong. (breastfeeding is NOT a form of birth-control) However the two of us were more than happy to welcome another into our family, I even more so considering He was already stepping up to the plate with my new born daughter. He had weathered the storm with me through my pregnancy and was there for me despite the fact that he wasn't the father. So I knew, he would be there for his own child.
The Abortion and Adoption Activist:
I personally have never come in contact with such an individual, but friends have. Apparently people think it is unfair to bring a child into this world when the mom and dad are not together. As if being raised by a single mother, or having two parents who work out a healthy co-parenting relationship is absurd. As if to say that is impossible and that it is better to aborted or be adopted. Well, dead is dead and I tend to think anything is better than THAT option. And adoption is fine, for someone who doesn't want their children, but I wanted mine from the moment I even suspected I was pregnant! So I guess that makes me a “w***e” too because I chose to have multiple fathers instead of aborting or giving them up.
Man In The Mirror:
Then we have those people who just seem to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, about any and every situation there is, including mine. But what’s funny is they are casting judgment and calling out Mother’s with Multiple Fathers, when they themselves have traveled the same path. They made different choices, whether it was birth control, or abortion, or adoption. Because we as Mothers have left evidence in the world as to the amount of ‘partners’ we’ve had, that somehow makes us w***es??? But what about the females that had abortions or used birth control and covered their tracks. If they sat down to write a list, they’d either run out of ink or fall asleep counting their Johns. Or not to mention, the men out here that are quick to throw that term around when they should be looking at that “Man In The Mirror” because their lists are most likely way longer than ours.
All I’m saying is this, The next time you run across a female and she is a Mother with Multiple Fathers……don’t cast judgment. She has made choices and accepted responsibility for the choices. She maybe a single mom or maybe married now. Regardless, she deserves more respect than being labeled a w***e considering she chose to give birth and raise her children and not toss them aside.
