04/12/2025
I’m feeling so much gratitude AND grief this full moon.
I’m immensely grateful for the quality of my village, but simultaneously grieving an image that no longer exists.
I have countless texts of kindness and offers of support, connection, and enthusiasm for our return home after over a year away.
I suppose I just don’t understand saying things for the sake of saying them?
The “formalities?” Like, just saying things because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do. I know the intentions are good…
I don’t say things I don’t mean. I don’t make offers or invitations without the full commitment of follow through. I believe you mean what you say, you know?
If you know me, you know that I never have expectations. I’ve never needed daily communication or much effort, truly. I’m the “come as you are” friend.
But I’m feeling a void that I haven’t felt before. Maybe it’s because I’m the crisis-response friend in a crisis.
I may not text back all the time but I show up. I don’t mind being uncomfortable.
This has more to do with my own inner child work and abandonment wounds, and less to do with specific people, but I still have to define what I want my table to look like.
I don’t mean to inflate myself. I’m far from perfect. I’m just finally realizing I need to manage my energy better, hold myself more accountable, and stop waiting for others to have a seat before I eat.
I will never take effort for granted anymore ❤️
