02/16/2025
I spent my whole life searching for love. In everything I did, in every corner of my existence, I was looking for it—sometimes desperately, sometimes unknowingly, but always seeking. Even in the moments where I questioned myself, where I wondered if I was selfish or maybe even a narcissist, the truth was the exact opposite. I wasn’t devoid of feeling—I was overflowing with a longing so deep it consumed me.
I looked for love in people. I looked for it in relationships. I looked for it in s*x, in po*******hy, in psychedelic experiences, in highs and escapes, in validation, in anything that might fill the void. But no matter how hard I searched, no matter how many places I tried to find it, the well always ran dry.
And when I hit the bottom—when I had nothing left to chase, when I had exhausted every external source—I found something unexpected. Love was there all along. But it wasn’t out in the world. It wasn’t in someone else. It wasn’t in achievement or distraction.
It was in me.
And that’s what I want to share with you today. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter how many times life has broken you down, no matter how much pain you’ve endured—I need you to know you don’t have to keep searching outside of yourself. I’m not speaking about this lightly. Life has been hard. Brutal, even. There were moments where I thought I couldn’t keep going, moments where the weight of it all made me question if I even wanted to exist. So when I say I understand suffering, I mean it. I don’t take this lightly. I don’t speak of love as some surface-level cliché.
I have loved deeply. I have lost deeply. I have felt pain so raw it nearly swallowed me whole. And still, here I stand—choosing love. But not just any love. The kind of love you would go to the end of the Earth for. The kind of love that can heal everything, rebuild everything, transform everything.
And here’s the thing: it’s not for someone else. It’s for you.
The love you’ve been searching for, the love that will complete you, the love that will finally bring peace—it’s the love you give yourself. When you stop abandoning yourself. When you stop searching in the world for something only you can give.
So today, I choose love.
And I choose me.
And I hope, with everything in me, that you do the same.
Unknown
