09/17/2026
Or maybe 41 months or maybe 512 months or 605 months...
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Someone asked me recently why their grief seems to be getting worse instead of better. They were more than a year into their loss and said, “I think I was doing better six months ago than I am now.”
I hear this more often than you might think.
People reach 8 months, 14 months, 18 months, even 2 years, and suddenly find themselves struggling in ways they weren't earlier. The tears come more often. The loneliness feels heavier. Their motivation disappears. And because everyone told them that “time heals,” they start wondering what they're doing wrong.
Here's the thing...grief doesn't always hurt the most at the beginning.
Those first weeks and months can be filled with shock. There are arrangements to make, paperwork to deal with, people checking on you, cards arriving, and decisions that have to be made.
Sometimes you're just surviving from one hour to the next.
Then life gets quiet.
Other people return to their own lives, and the phone doesn't ring as much. Everyone assumes you're adjusting. And somewhere along the way, the reality of what happened can start to settle in differently.
This is when you realize they're really not coming back.
Grief isn't something you're going to get through and return to the life you had before. This is your life now, and you're having to learn how to live it without someone you never imagined living without.
And that realization can really hurt.
You might also be exhausted from carrying grief for months. The strength that got you through the beginning wasn't an unlimited supply. Sometimes what feels like grief getting worse is actually the accumulated weight of missing someone day after day after day.
So if you're 8, 14, 18 or 24 months into grief and wondering why you're struggling more now, please don't measure your healing by how much you cried six months ago compared with today.
Grief isn't a straight road away from pain. Sometimes healing takes us directly through it. And a difficult period doesn't erase all the healing you've already done.
It just means you miss someone who mattered enough to change your life when they left it.
Gary Sturgis
Author of: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’
