07/23/2026
Who remembers this iconic line from Risky Business? Read on to see how an attitude shift helped someone begin to regulate her nervous system and begin to heal:
One day I asked a client—who has also become a dear friend—what had changed.
During a recent conversation, I had noticed something different. She seemed lighter. She reported her blood pressure had been coming down. She was more relaxed, more present, and less consumed by the weight she had been carrying.
I asked, "What shifted?"
She said something I never expected to hear from her.
"I just stopped giving a f**."*
Now, if you knew her, you'd know that's completely out of character. She rarely ever swears, let alone drops the F-bomb. We both laughed.
Oddly enough, it reminded me of the movie Risky Business, when Miles says,
"Sometimes you just have to say, 'What the f**.'"*.
How often did we say that after watching the movie, lol.
At first glance, those words can sound reckless or careless.
But I don't think that's what either of them meant.
Neither was talking about abandoning responsibility.
Neither was saying, "Nothing matters."
What they were describing was the moment they stopped trying to control everything they couldn't control.
Her circumstances hadn't changed.
The difficult people were still difficult.
The uncertainty was still there.
The problems hadn't magically disappeared.
What changed was her relationship to them.
My friend stopped believing that worrying more, trying harder, or getting everything "right" would finally make her feel safe.
From a nervous system perspective, that's a profound shift.
When we live in chronic stress, our bodies often believe that constant vigilance is what keeps us alive. We overthink. We anticipate every possible outcome. We carry burdens that were never ours to carry. We become exhausted trying to earn a sense of safety.
Then, sometimes, something beautiful happens.
The body realizes...
I don't have to carry all of this anymore.
That isn't giving up.
It's letting go.
It's releasing the illusion that control creates peace.
Ironically, when she stopped gripping so tightly, her body softened.
Her mind became quieter.
Her blood pressure began to drop.
Not because life suddenly became easier...
But because her nervous system no longer believed it had to fight every battle.
Sometimes freedom doesn't come because your circumstances change.
Sometimes freedom comes because you do.
And when your nervous system finally believes it is safe enough to loosen its grip, your body often begins to heal in ways you never expected.
