A Lay Yah

30/08/2026

30/08/2026

Six weeks is enough time for your life to surprise you. Someone you haven't met yet can become someone you cannot imagine your days without. A conversation can open a door you didn't know existed. You can make one brave decision and watch it change what becomes possible after it. You can wake up one morning and realize that something you carried for months no longer hurts the way it used to. Life does not always need years to become different.

So much of this year may have been about becoming the person who could meet what comes next. Now you get to find out what all of that courage made room for. Go into these next six weeks expecting your life to expand beyond what you can currently see. Say yes when something excites you. Let people surprise you. Take the chance you would have talked yourself out of six months ago. There is still enough time left in this year for something wonderful to happen that changes the way you remember all of it.

26/08/2026

I had to call in my soul sisters and ask for them to reflect back to me.

I am in a massive transition and transformation its been the most humbling, challenging experience.

I gave in to the panic & overwhelm and forgot how miraculous life has been. Every step we have been held. We have a home, we are all together and we have a starting point in making a life.

Thank you to all the ladies that helped me out of the overwhelm and reminded me of my co-creating powers and how miraculous life truly is.

Adele Klopper Tracy Rawlins Spriggs Nagal Liza King

26/08/2026

https://open.spotify.com/track/3kKXwmZPFbJGWFwjL5kFHu?si=E4ct6ejNQKC9RpiPmcn3aA&utm_source=copy-link

Fia · Legacy of Light · Song · 2017

26/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME : I DON'T HAVE THE MAP

If I am completely honest…

I don't have this motherhood thing figured out.

I don't have the map for this season.

There are days when I feel like I am navigating through fog.

I have questions.

I have fears.

I get things wrong.

I react when I wish I had responded.

I sometimes don't know whether to step forward or step back.

And I think that is something we don't talk about enough.

We celebrate motherhood when the children are little.

But there is something profoundly humbling about motherhood when they begin becoming independent human beings.

Because suddenly you can't fix everything with a cuddle.

You can't make every decision.

You can't choose their friendships, their beliefs, their dreams or their path.

You have to trust the foundation you built.

And perhaps that is the real test.

Not whether I can control the outcome.

But whether I can trust the relationship.

Trust the love.

Trust the work we have done.

Trust the woman I have raised.

And trust myself enough to know that even when I don't have the answers…

I can still show up.

I can still listen.

I can still learn.

I can still love.

We have entered a new season.

It is beautiful.

It is messy.

It is sometimes harrowing.

And I don't know exactly where it will take us.

But I know this:

I am not trying to raise a perfect human.

I am trying to raise a human who knows herself, trusts herself, takes responsibility for herself and knows that she is deeply loved.

And maybe…

that is enough.

24/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME: OUR CHILDREN MIRROR US

One of the things I am learning in this season is that teenagers have an extraordinary way of showing us what we haven't finished healing.

They can touch places inside us that we thought were long gone.

They can activate our abandonment.

Our control.

Our fear.

Our inadequacy.

Our need to be needed.

Our unresolved childhood wounds.

And it can be incredibly uncomfortable.

Because suddenly we are not only parenting the child in front of us…

we are meeting the child we once were.

For me, this has become an invitation.

Instead of asking:

**“What's wrong with my child?”**

I am learning to ask:

“What is this bringing up in me?”

That doesn't mean blaming ourselves for everything our children experience.

It doesn't mean excusing behaviour.

It doesn't mean abandoning boundaries.

It means taking responsibility for our own inner world.

Because when we do our healing, we stop handing our unresolved wounds to the next generation.

We begin to recognise the patterns.

We begin to interrupt them.

We begin to choose differently.

And that is how generational trauma starts to change.

Not through perfect parenting.

Through conscious parenting.

Through parents willing to look at themselves.

To repair.

To apologise.

To learn.

To grow.

To lead themselves first.

I don't have this figured out.

I am walking this road too.

But perhaps breaking cycles was never about becoming the perfect mother.

Perhaps it was about becoming an aware one.

22/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME: NOW I HAVE TO LET HER GO

This season of motherhood is hard.

Because my daughter is becoming her own person.

And I am having to learn that I cannot be everything to her.

I cannot make every decision.

I cannot protect her from every consequence.

I cannot know exactly who she is going to become.

And perhaps most importantly…

I cannot become her identity for her.

I can guide.

I can listen.

I can offer wisdom.

I can hold boundaries.

I can love her through the beautiful moments and the messy ones.

But she has to explore.

She has to question.

She has to make mistakes.

She has to discover what she believes.

Who she is.

What she wants.

What she doesn't want.

And sometimes that means watching her walk toward experiences I would never choose for her.

That is terrifying.

Especially when you have spent years fighting to keep your child safe.

But I am learning that unconditional love doesn't mean holding someone tightly enough that they never fall.

Sometimes unconditional love means becoming the safe place they know they can return to when they do.

My job is changing.

I am no longer simply raising a child.

I am witnessing a human being become herself.

And my role is to walk beside her…

not ahead of her.

21/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME : SHE OPENED THE DOOR

My daughter was one of the catalysts for me coming out of the spiritual closet.

Before I fully owned my own gifts, I had spent years questioning them.

Wondering if what I experienced was real.

Wondering if I was imagining things.

Wondering what people would think.

Then my little girl started telling me about her guides.

Her dreams.

The things she could sense.

The way certain rocks seemed to shimmer.

The things she experienced that I couldn't explain through the ordinary lens of the world.

And something inside me knew:

I couldn't teach her to trust herself while I was busy teaching myself to doubt me.

So I started looking inward.

I began owning the parts of myself I had hidden.

The intuition.

The sensitivity.

The spiritual experiences.

The knowing.

Not because I wanted her to become like me.

But because I wanted her to know that she never had to abandon herself to be accepted.

That became one of the greatest gifts she gave me.

She reminded me that children don't only learn from what we teach them.

They learn from what we embody.

And sometimes our children don't come into our lives simply for us to raise them.

Sometimes they come to awaken us too.

She didn't just need a mother who believed in her.

She needed a mother who believed in herself.

And in learning to become that woman, I began becoming a different kind of mother.

20/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME: I TRIED TO BE EVERYTHING

For a long time, I didn't feel like being a mother was enough.

Not because motherhood isn't enough.

But because somewhere inside me I had decided that *I* wasn't enough.

So I overcompensated.

I wanted my daughter to have everything I didn't have.

I wanted her to feel safe.

Seen.

Heard.

Loved.

Protected.

I wanted to make sure she never questioned whether she mattered.

I wanted to be the mother who could fix everything.

The mother who had the answers.

The mother who could protect her from pain.

But motherhood doesn't come with that kind of power.

And I am learning that perhaps it was never supposed to.

Because my child doesn't need me to prevent every painful experience.

She needs me to teach her that she can move through them.

She doesn't need me to make every decision for her.

She needs to know that she can trust herself.

She doesn't need me to build her entire life.

She needs the foundation from which she can build her own.

That has been one of the hardest lessons of motherhood for me.

Because when you have fought so hard to keep your child safe, letting go can feel frightening.

You can confuse control with protection.

You can confuse doing everything with loving completely.

And eventually you have to ask yourself:

Am I raising my child to need me…

or am I raising her to know herself?

I think that is where motherhood changes.

From holding tightly…

to holding space.

19/08/2026

THE MOTHER I BECAME : I CHOSE LIFE

There was a time when being a mother meant one thing to me:

Protect her.

I was a young mother leaving a relationship where drug addiction, domestic violence and severe mental illness had created a home that was no longer safe for either of us.

Leaving wasn't easy.

But eventually I understood something that changed everything:

Sometimes choosing your child means choosing to leave.

So I left.

I chose to give my daughter and myself a chance at life.

I became a solo mom.

And I did what so many mothers do when they are trying desperately to create safety after chaos…

I tried to become everything.

I got the protection order.

I filed for divorce on my own.

I went to maintenance court on my own.

I navigated systems I didn't understand.

I worked.

I provided.

I protected.

I loved.

And somewhere along the way, I started believing that being a good mother meant that I had to be enough for everything.

Enough protection.

Enough stability.

Enough love.

Enough answers.

Enough strength.

I didn't realise then that underneath all of that was a woman who was terrified of failing her child.

So I overcompensated.

I tried to give her everything I felt I had missed.

And I became incredibly good at surviving.

But survival and motherhood are not the same thing.

I am learning that now.

And perhaps that is where my real journey into conscious motherhood began.

Not when I became her mother…

But when I began learning who I was beyond being her mother.