01/03/2019
THE GRIEF BOX & BALL: Lauren Herschel recently circulated the following image regarding grief: 1. Grief is a big ball in a box with a (red) pain button (upper left), 2. Initially, the ball is very big and fills the whole box, often hitting the pain button (upper right), 3. At first, the ball of grief keeps revolving, endlessly returning. Any pretense that the pain won't be there is, just that, a wish but not a reality. The pain of grief can't be avoided. (lower left), 4. Eventually, over time, grief subsides as the ball gets smaller. But . . . it never completely goes away. Grief gets triggered when we least expect it (by events/memories) yet again hitting the pain button, hurting in ways that are very familiar. (lower right).
Fortunately, grief isn't our enemy. It's clearly essential, reminding us of the importance of who or what has been lost. Central to the gradual transformation of grief is our willingness to share it with at least one other person. Carrying grief alone can keep it stuck, blocking its natural tendency to decrease in size.
Parents, knowing this, can Be-With the grief of their children in a most helpful way. Children are often grieving the loss of something so important to them (big and small). Our choice to Be-With and not minimize the pain (helping them to organize and make sense of its value) is a remarkable gift/