23/06/2026
Official Statement from The Mobility Wizard
After working 7 days a week, regularly putting in 10+ hour days, travelling thousands of miles around South Wales, and somehow still answering the phone at all hours, I was shocked to discover that I had been suspended from work today at 3:30pm for gross misconduct.
The allegation?
Leaving work at 3:30pm.
Following this devastating news, I sought advice from a fellow employee over a pint. It was quickly established that said employee had also finished work at 3:30pm and had not been suspended.
A full investigation was therefore launched.
After careful consideration, it became apparent that I was being unfairly treated by management.
An emergency board meeting was immediately called involving the Owner, Managing Director, CEO, Head of HR, Senior Engineer, Workshop Manager and Employee Representative.
As The Mobility Wizard is a one-man company, attendance was excellent.
After a lengthy discussion lasting almost an entire pint, the board unanimously agreed that suspending the company's only engineer, manager, owner and tea-maker was perhaps not the wisest business decision.
I am therefore delighted to announce that I have been fully reinstated with immediate effect and will return to my position tomorrow morning.
The CEO has apologised to the employee.The employee has accepted the apology.Both parties have agreed to move forward.
I'd like to thank everyone for their support during this extremely difficult 45-minute suspension.
Yours faithfully,
Steve Lowther
Owner, CEO, HR Department, Workshop Manager, Senior Engineer, Tea Boy, Complaints Department and Employee of the Month (for the 37th consecutive year).