30/07/2026
This full moon as been intense. Well it as for me anyway. I have been very emotional in the past few days, spending time thinking about the past and seeing it through a different lens. I have wrote what’s below with chat gbt I thought I’d share it.
(Some of us really do struggle with connecting with the present moments and I have suffered with this since childhood, always trying to reach a better version of me felt like I should be someone different it’s been impossible to reach because there’s never been anything wrong with me. My garden is already beautiful. I just wish I could have seen that.
If i had one wish it would be to help every child on this earth see that about them selves to take away the pain.)
That being said the full moon week will be over soon onwards and upwards chin up and all that.
It shall pass💫
For years, I thought my life was the problem.
I thought that if I found the right career, earned more money, discovered my purpose, became a better version of myself, or finally figured life out, then I would feel at peace.
So I spent years searching.
Every new idea gave me hope. Every new goal felt like it might be the one that changed everything. But sooner or later, the excitement faded, and I found myself searching again.
I thought I was looking for a better life.
I wasn’t.
I was trying to escape a feeling.
The hardest part is that, while I was searching, life was happening.
There were birthdays, conversations, quiet evenings, family moments, laughter, ordinary days that I would later look back on with tears in my eyes. Not because they were perfect, but because I realised I had never fully arrived in them.
I wasn’t absent because I didn’t love my life.
I was absent because my mind kept telling me that what I was looking for was somewhere else.
Then one day, I realised something.
The thing I was searching for wasn’t waiting in the future.
It was hidden inside the moments I kept overlooking.
Imagine walking through a beautiful garden while a voice in your head keeps saying, “Keep going. The real garden must be further on.”
So you keep walking.
Years later, you turn around and realise…
That was the garden.
I think many of us live like that.
We postpone our lives while trying to improve them.
We chase peace instead of noticing the moments where peace quietly appears.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t have dreams or goals. Growth is part of being human.
But there is a difference between growing because you’re inspired and constantly searching because you believe you’re incomplete.
One leads you deeper into life.
The other keeps you running past it.
Today, I still catch myself boarding that train.
The train of self-improvement.
The train of “what’s next?”
The train that promises happiness at the next stop.
But now I know something I didn’t know before.
I don’t have to stay on it.
Every time I notice my mind racing ahead, I ask myself one simple question:
“Am I on the train again, or am I in the garden?”
The thoughts don’t disappear.
Life doesn’t suddenly become perfect.
But for a moment, I return.
I hear my children laugh.
I taste my tea.
I notice the sunlight.
I remember that my life isn’t waiting for me somewhere else.
It’s happening here.
Maybe that’s what we’re all learning.
Not how to find a better life.
But how to stop walking past the one we’re already living and see where that takes us. 🌷🌷🌷
