09/09/2026
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State officials are asking Texans to remain calm after meteorologists confirmed that temperatures could plummet into the upper 90s next week.
Yes, you read that correctly. We may briefly experience a number that does not begin with 100.
Residents are encouraged to begin preparations immediately. Open your sink cabinets, locate the jacket you abandoned in February, and bring the brisket inside before it gets chilled down to a dangerous 97 degrees.
H-E-B is expected to remain open, although emergency runs on chili ingredients and hot chocolate cannot be ruled out. Schools have not announced closures, but several Texas mothers are reportedly refreshing Facebook just in case.
Experts warn that prolonged exposure to these conditions could result in sitting outside voluntarily, rolling down your car windows, and briefly remembering why people enjoy fall.
Stay alert. Stay prepared. Check on your elderly neighbors and anyone who claims they are “actually kind of cold.”
We will get through this, y’all.
