Dan’s Trepanning and Mental Landscaping Service

Dan’s Trepanning and Mental Landscaping Service We provide Americans with safe and healthy ways to relieve pressure from the skull.

03/03/2026

Most people are familiar with the healing power of ice baths for the body…but did you know that brains like ice baths too?!

Dan’s Trepanning is proud to be the first trepanation center to offer Brain Slushies ™️.

For the entire month of March, anyone receiving a standard trepanation will have the option of filling the hole with a proprietary blend of frozen “slushie” at no additional cost.

And as always, you’re welcome to bob around in the sensory deprivation tank until the ice is fully melted! Namaste 🙏.

12/05/2024

I regret to inform our customers that the store will be temporarily closed due to a police investigation.

Unfortunately someone filed a report about our staff performing trepanations while high on cannabis. BUT what they don’t know is that Dan is a licensed trepanation specialist and he was actually high on cannabis when he passed all of the licensing tests! No crime was committed and we welcome you to take us to civil court!

We’re hoping to reopen by early next week so everyone can get their pre-holiday season trepanations. Apologies for any inconvenience and thank you for your patience at this trying time. Namaste 🙏.

- Dan’s Trepanning and Mental Landscaping

11/06/2024

Feeling a bit worn out after Election Day? Stop by the shop for a quick trepanation!

11/02/2024

Some “crystal girl” with a bob haircut will tell you she developed siddhis like clairvoyance by playing a card game created in Italy 500-600 years ago just so she can sell you her brand of tarot cards. And everyone is fine with that!

… but the same people look at me like I’m crazy for drilling a hole in my skull to get closer to God and offering that service to others at a reasonable price! Make it make sense!!

First 10 people who stop by Dan’s Trepanning And Mental Landscaping to schedule a trepanning session next week will get ...
08/19/2024

First 10 people who stop by Dan’s Trepanning And Mental Landscaping to schedule a trepanning session next week will get one of these for free!

This really resonates 🙌
04/03/2024

This really resonates 🙌

10/06/2023

Many customers are expressing concern after finding out Dan’s Trepanning and Mental Landscaping is technically owned by Monsanto. While we can see how this might be troubling, please understand that it is purely a business relationship that does not reflect our values at DTML 🙏

01/11/2023

FAQ: How do I know if I need a trepanation or not?

A: I just gave you one you silly goose! Take a seat in our waiting room and apply pressure to the wound. The snacks are complimentary.

12/28/2022

FAQ: “Dan, since my brainwashing I’ve experienced fits of impetuous anger. Is this normal?”

A: Yes, this is quite typical and not a cause for concern.

Just to clear things up about the ongoing lawsuits- we will continue to offer “brainwashing” despite the recent public b...
12/28/2022

Just to clear things up about the ongoing lawsuits- we will continue to offer “brainwashing” despite the recent public backlash against the practice. It is our view that a clean brain brings clean and clear thoughts.

-Your friends at DTMLS

Address

616 Yalnotha Way
Hamilton Township, NJ

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Dan’s Trepanning and Mental Landscaping Service posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category