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Fully Experiencing Life Project, unlisted, Vancouver, BC (2026)

06/07/2026

7 things to indigenously give up:

1. Shame about not being indigenous enough - some grew up in cities, others in villages; our roots are all connected to culture. No one is better or worse. Don't let that stop learning or living.

2. Any thought that connects to "Who do I think I am...doing this or that." Humans don't all have equal opportunity but they all have equal possible capabilities. Don't allow your inner voice/old tape to stop you from reaching for dreams, options, or what feels out of reach. Take chances. "Fail." Impossible becomes I'm possible.

3. Working so hard that you miss out on the joy! Many of us work for the greater good. Giving our life for helping better our communities. Working ourselves to the bone. We deserve belly laughs, true JOY and moments of peace. Even when grieving 🤎

4. The need to keep our blood families all together regardless of unhealthy behaviour. Unfortunately, when so much history exists and some hang on to unhealthy traumatizing behaviour, sometimes the ties need to have boundaries, shifts, and that can mean changed relationships. Love from afar. Or let go for self-preservation. Life is short. We are creating ripple effects, either way. I hope for our future generations for the healthiest communities and freedom possible.

5. Giving up hope on language and culture. We have living, breathing culture. It exists. We just ARE. I speak a word and truly believe the ancestors hear me and celebrate moments of acknowledgement, connection and strengthening. Life force. Find the pieces that bring you joy, belonging, skills for respectful living on this earth, self-love, self-worth, healing the owwies and strengthening spirit. It's your relationship with you. No one defines or knows or lives that but you.

6. The need to shrink ourselves to make others comfortable. At times our laughs are big. Our teasing is big. Our ideas and thinking out of western society box can feel big to others. Don't shrink for anyone. Creator made you. You are a shining star. Shine!

7. We don't need to explain. We don't need to share all of our knowledge. Sacred knowledge has boundaries. We come from a long line of no consent for so many things. Some people are leeches. Others want the knowledge for entertainment(?), for selling, for using us. The honour we give animals, beings, water, time, si'satxw - we decide what to share and where. We also aren't here to teach others about "reconciliation" or appease their guilt or to be their interesting reflection for their relationship with history. We are busy. We have indigenous things to do!

Words have power. Words empower. Our self-talk and words we carry and hold on to matter. We grow from all the good things and these words are gifts to you. If they help you in any way, I hope this grouping of english letters supports your clearing of debris, of the intergenerational effects, of the time we spend surviving to shift to thriving.

I see you rocking embodying being Indigenous. It's a good day to be Indigenous. It's a good life to be Indigenous. Much respect & BIG LOVE ❤️

-mangus
🤎🤎🤎🤎
🌲🌱🍃🌳

Share away. I read to edit or add to it but it's all still truths to me. Take what's helpful 🤩

04/25/2026

"October 23, 1993, Saturday"

This is my "sobriety" date. I use that term loosely because I don't abstain (from coping mechanisms) and according to traditional 1980s definition I am not "clean." (hmm)

However, this is the date I thought: "There must be something better."
"I don't want things the way they are."
"I am not at peace. I am an unhappy person who feels horrible about themselves."
🌪
"...I don't like things the way they are and I want something different."

Those thoughts have been a foundation. Life can be ever so hard. We actually decide To Live (or not) EVERY DAY.

"I want the pain to stop." This is another foundational thought that has been consistent as I journey.

I've spoken of my tool backpack before. These thoughts, I know, are now signals that I need to give myself first aid.

Hungry.
Angry.
Lonely.
Tired.
Sick.
It's an acronym called HALT(S).
(Stop and see if there's first aid to help self. Halt & care for self.)

Has my life magically gotten fixed?
No. But I know I can do a 'something' now. To help myself.
That's harm reduction, folks.
I know many people 'in recovery' -from PAIN and Trauma. That's recovery.

-some use w e e d
-some go out 'partying' once a year
-some are angry, miserable 'dry drunks' with 'stinkin' thinkin'
-some use ____ with others and test their product to reduce harm
-some work 70 hour weeks until they collapse
-some abstain 100% from substances and eat chips or scroll endlessly. We all have vices.

I share in hopes for people who have found the 100% abstaining 1980s method, that people have to do it this way or that, or feeling they just don't have enough will power, or ... they are not enough. I think if we do this 'One Day At A Time, and today I decide to live.' Today I decide not to drink and drive. Today I showed up for myself, so I would not yell around at anyone. Today I was an Auntie and loved that. Today I had a day and crawled into the darkness of my blankets to cry myself to sleep. Today I did what I need to do to cope with pain-that I am a human be-ing. That's a celebration.

I think through trauma and painful experiences, our mental brain gets bruised up and bent out of shape, with awful thoughts -- which then guide our actions. "I am not good enough." "I am a nobody." "I can't do anything right." "I am not worthy."
"I am a failure." "I failed my parents."
"I failed my ancestors."

Such unkind thoughts. And I am the only one who can change my thought(s). Today I woke up and greeted the morning light. I did 2 tasks. Things that took me 3 days to get done. Today I enjoyed a sip of tea. I decided to be present and taste that tea. Today I am alive. Today I share these words in case anyone feels like a failure or a piece of doodoo because of not 'doing it right.'
If you feel your heart beat and you are reading this - know one person celebrates that. I send you love, and hope you find and grow kindness in the world, starting with the thought(s) in your brain. The mean thoughts are manure. Throw it out of your brain and watch the grass grow greener out on the earth.

Recovery. (from pain)
Re=do over and over. Like reps in exercise (in brain).
Cove=to come back/return (to self!)
-ry=a state, a condition, a collective.

No one gave us a Perfect Life manual.
You can't fail at life.
You haven't.
You aren't failing at it.
You live.
You are a-live.
I hope the best for you. Today.
Thank _____ we only have this "One Day At A Time" 🌻🧠🫶🏿

-mangus
Recovering from trauma and pain. And is living life.

04/21/2026

🩵🩵🩵🩵

04/21/2026

"Helping the Helper"

As we go about our day, we gather lint, hair, smells, crumbs, sweat, oily residue. It's the same with energy.

I say my mantra: 'Helping is output energy only.'
Still little things get stuck to me.

I drive home and wind clears dust. I breathe. My helper thoughts float away into clouds.
Water cleanses my hands.
Stomping is thunder to shake my soul.
I sing. The hum makes any gargoyles fall away.
Anything that could chomp a little something from my being. P-tinnnnnng!

I visit dog or bear or waterfall beings. I roll around to scratch my back. I feel my hips and ankles and shoulder blades wake up as I stretch in downward dog. I feel oily stink sinking into the ground in the grass. My headache lifts. I feel energized. I want sips of water.
Unwind. I am not a machine.

I look like a different person after this...ritual. I am only me. I expand my lungs with air. A human need we somehow forget.

Helping others should not hurt and mean walking around with stained up clothes and spirit.
I keep my ears clean. My body gets free as I tap my toes and sip my tea.

You know one definition of a HELPER from Webster-Merriam is: "a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker usually by manual labor."

We are not gods. We are not the experts in your life. You are.
We cheer. We witness the land and beings that are around us at all times. We are not alone. You lead and are the do-er. I am a flashlight you guide.
🩷🩷🩷🩷
Then I go back to me.
I accept help for me...
Pink quartz rocks.
Fizzy bubbly 💧
Crunchy 🍎🍏🍎🍏
New 🎵🎶🎵🎶

You are free. I am free.
Freedom is the basis of our relation-ship 🚢
Free to be me.
You free to be you 🤎
Passing ships; helpers need help too.
🧡🤸🏾‍♀️🧘‍♂️🦝🐕🐻🐼🦥🌻🍃🌟🌈🌦🌪🌠🌌🌞✨️🎶🕯🫧😌😎💖✌🏾

-mangus

04/09/2026

'Only day 14 ~ "My Dad Died"'

The urge to run, like fire is everywhere, is loud. It wakes me up. It leaves me panicked, grabbing to check messages, to make sure all left are okay.

All doesn't feel okay and won't for awhile.

My friend said 'It doesn't get better but it will get easier.' Another friend said 'It won't be like this forever.' Another friend said 'Let me hold you up for a moment.'

The pain and sad are my companions for now. They will arrive when they feel like it. That feels scary and awful and like at any moment I may be pushed into the deep end with no warning.
(this isn't my first time being drowned, I try to remind myself)
What is my life preserver?
What can I depend on with any surety in life?
I polish my tools.
I stretch and breathe.
I notice late, but do notice when I become thirsty.
THE HEART KEEPS BEATING.
I need to hold on.
I need to take a breathe when I know a crash into the water is now.
I need to cry for help if needed.
It's scary and there will be discomfort.
This new normal that I hate.
"My Dad died.", I practise saying to myself. I feel the words in my mouth. My heart pounds slowly. Tears at the ready. I am not okay. The world whooshes by. I hold on. The wave hits and I hold on. Eyes closed. Holding on. The wave passes and I notice where I am.
I can only take bits of life at a time.
"It will be hard. You will get through it." said my Dad. " Connect with nature. Find things to chuckle about." His words are everywhere. The love is everywhere.

I actually love the water of life. We are born in it. We will return to it at the end.
Tears dripping give me relief.
I will rest when I can.
I sip water to keep me moving.
My tender heart beats on.
My kids are watching and I will do my best to teach them to swim, as my Dad taught me.

-mangus

03/23/2026

"Two pairs of moccasins"

I live in two worlds.
I am expected to drum and sing
AND
To know how to do small talk & follow etiquette I was never taught.

I am expected to honour my big family and responsibilities
AND
Keep up with my taxes, work to make paper money and pay my bills. To be an Upstanding Citizen.

I try to remember to pause, share gentle hellos in community and to always share in some laughs
AND
I learn new social media apps every day; no smoke signals here anymore!

I am expected to attend feasts which at times go to 4 or 5 a.m.
AND
To get to my western society duties 9-5, Monday to Friday.

I am expected to speak on behalf of all my people to educate people and to appease some settlers' discomforts while turning a blind eye to those who hate
AND
I am less and less expected to know my language, but it is something I grieve heavily and to my soul.

I am expected to hunt and fish and food gather in lands continually more decimated over time

My moccasins are worn. I run between my two worlds. I run this way and that. I am a super human with never ending responsibilities. Some days, I hang my head like the stereotypical indian image
Mostly I carve and create, mastering my hands and heart to create in our new world. Melded into one. I have wings from both worlds. I make the two wings flap together. Sometimes I do loopy de loos. Sometimes I sit still in the dark; resting. Mostly I continue to grow my muscles. Flight going higher and higher. I feel superhuman at times and am also 'just me.' Looking down to make sure my moccasins aren't backwards, turned topsy turvy. The worlds don't always fit together. Maybe I am doing it wrong? But life changes and so do we. I know who I am and that all is foundation to bring brilliance of who I am (roots) to what I do (what tree will I grow, what fruits and blossoms will I grow; what can our kids learn from me, to grow on their own?).
Today my moccasins are worn. I dance and sing, in my heart to keep going. My wings flap mightily. I am Gitxsan, Wet'suwet'en and live amongst some colonially-rooted ideas that are young and weak. My roots are strong and have long tendrils to guide me; if I only pause and listen to the beating of my own heart.
Hamiya Wii Simooget Laxha
Misiiyh Uudake
Thank you Creator
For life
For ways ahead
Celebrating life in two oil and water worlds.

-mangus

03/21/2026

Drop a topic for me to write about. A paragraph or up to 1 page. Honing the craft and voice... 🥰

03/19/2026

"Warrior"

Humans look for kindness in the world.
Places they can trust.
The world can be pretty darn scary at times.
All our scars we have tell stories.

I remember meeting this lady. I was a helper.
She had been there, done that.

She had scars on her arms and on various parts of her body. Scars screaming that she had fought. I could tell when I looked into her eyes, she could handle herself.
There was truth in her eyes. I knew I needed to speak with honesty for her to trust me and allow me to be around her.

She had such a big, beautiful laugh and her weathered but youngish face changed in amazing ways when she smiled. She made art with her hands. She was a parent.
She was also at the end of her life. No more to be done.

Her and I sat in the hospital room and watched one of those silly fall-off-everything-competition game shows.
Sitting together. Laughing at the falls. Not much to say most of the time. She knew her time was limited.

When she did talk, she shared about her daughter. She was focussed on the time she had left with her daughter. She wanted her daughter to know she was so loved. She wanted her daughter to have a strong path forward. She wanted her daughter connected to loving family. She wanted her daughter to know that if she could, the woman would pick to be the daughter's Mom over and over again. She wanted to give her last bit of life to filling her daughter up with knowing all her gifts within and finding light in the world; a world soon to be empty of her Mommy.

It's a fragile life with all the unknowns. Through it all, love is real and never-ending. Love is an everflowing well of intention and a wrapping in gifts from a life learned.
Love and family.

Her scars showed to me, (me the humble witness), the many battles she had fought - to live, to cope, to move forward, to show the world her resilience and realities.
The last time I saw her there was a lump in my throat, "Thank you for allowing me to be a helper for a few moments in your life. I truly will be hoping the best for you, your comfort and I am honoured to have met you. Take care hey." I walked away with my pregnant belly, tears falling; my own baby kicking to let me know she was hungry and growing.

I thought of the lady over time as my own child grew.
Meeting the lady, it grew gratitude for me - as a Mom, to always remember to be thankful for life and to love FIERCELY.

Life can be full of pain and our scars tell the story. But so do our smiles and light! So do the laughs we share even in our toughest times! They tell the world we are here, and we shine bright. Warriors share their fire by be-ing, by showing others how to be themselves; to show up, no matter how much time is left and in doing so, others can too 🔥🧡
~mangus

03/16/2026

The earth carries us. Holds us. Nourishes us. Any troubled mind or spirit, her medicines help us. Being (connected to) outside is solace because we know we are home 💚💙💚💙
-mangus

03/07/2026

Note: this was written in 2020 in the height of the Wet'suwet'en being all over the news. I invite you to watch 'Yintah' if you have never heard of it. It is still timely due to what I C E and all that is being waged on people because of how they look. Much respect to caring human beings and humanity folx.
‐---------------------
"Represent"

What does this represent?

The arm is brown. It is raised.

It's mind blowing to me at times what we can represent based on the pigment of our skin, where we grew up and beliefs we were taught. Really we aren't so different from one another biologically but based on skin colour, experiences can be quite different.

Some examples:
-being followed in a store. Normal to me. I teach my children to keep their hands out of their pockets when in a store & make sure to not bring in any toys that were bought in store previously, on another occasion. This includes jackets and anything that looks too new.

-awareness that many brown people in movies and on tv were invisible or portrayed as the help or 'lower than' in terms of wealth

-being told 'good for you' when sharing an accomplishment that might be expected of a person of wealth or average canadian (i.e. oh you are a teacher? Gooood for you! Oh you're married? Good for you! Oh you are a Manager? Good for you! Oh your children do well in sports? Good for you!)

-side remarks when talking of things like funding for housing or schooling. Having to defend and speak on behalf of all indigenous people to a class full of people or people turning to look at you when they say indigenous or first nations. Or look away when they say indian or residential school. Literally being expected to answer on behalf of 500plus distinct Nations who are all unique and have differing connections and beliefs ("but there are general similarities right?")

-being overlooked. I.e. At a camp of mainly non-indigenous being told I am doing something the wrong way. Or assuming the other person has looked at all options and if something won't work, it won't work no matter what I try. Very subtle at times but I can feel the disregarding of my opinion or expectation that I cannot know something if the other person of another race doesn't.

-micro aggressions: can be even more subtle. Some people appear friendly but they might say something 'just jokingly.' Or it's meant to make another feel 'less than' to ensure their own 'superiority.' I.e. "Oh! Your ______ is sooo intimidating!" *their smile that doesn't reach eyes* *continue working alongside but you can feel their competitiveness*

-joining a publicly advertised event or group. Arriving and being the only indigenous person. The expressions of people tell their welcome, discomfort, unwelcome, or seeing you as invisible. You make yourself fit in or know clearly You Do Not Fit In

-fashion advertising recently went multicultural. There are very few indigenous people represented. My colour and race are seen as having too many negative stereotypes. We are not 'popular culture.' And if an item connected to our culture is represented, it is likely ripped off of a hard working artist who gets no credit or in some cases, a whole nation's historically connected item gets absolutely no credit. There will never be retribution.

-being told over and over all my life how I don't pay taxes. Any time I step off the little reservation you better believe there is taxes paid on every single item under the sun.

-people being surprised if I have worked my whole life, as my parents have. Or assuming if I work, it must be at the Band Office. Seriously.

-people moving here for short amounts of time, immediately securing employment, and a home.

-people showing disgust at the smell of salmon. Culturally, this is so rude. (Had to throw in a PSA for the salmon, our lifeline)

The examples are literally endless. Endless. I hope people continue educating themselves... Ourselves. Themselves. Us and Them. At the end of the day I continue to go back to the basics of all human beings -water, food, shelter (love). (Water is life!)

It IS true. Many of my people have gone Without (waterfoodshelterlove)for decades while imposed systems have kept oppression at high levels. Not for lack of working hard! I know so many people who have worked themselves literally to death to help our Nations out of the mess. ...So if you see this brown arm, with hand raised up - if you have any kind of racist reaction internally, disgust or some feel fear, I hope you can pause - and consider even one of the above examples of human beings being disregarded, invisible or being made out to be a villain ("protestor (not protectors) are still being mischievious"). The cycles go on. You can disregard or be silent or show support.

I cry when I raise my arm like this in public. I cried (angry tears) when my kid (they/them) told me they sat down at high school during 'the anthem' and a teacher ran up to them and hissed in their face to Stand Up Now! With hatred on the teacher's face. (everyone was looking at my kid, so stand up they did)

So I ask you now, settlers or people of different colour - can you Stand Up Now?

Sincerely & with Much Love,
From a not popular, not favoured, an invisible - when many times you aren't. Your voice matters during a time when many are showing the racism that's always existed. Change is possible.

-mangus
❤️🩷🧡🤎💜💜🩵💙💚💛

Fully Experiencing Life Project

06/07/2026

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04/21/2026

04/21/2026

04/09/2026

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