07/09/2025
The material below is a parody based on Advaita concepts. Advaita is the perspective of non-duality or inseparable oneness. This awareness allows us to remember the true way of the Universe such that we simply are and are One. There have been many teachers of Advaita. One of these teachers is Francis Lucille. His style is beautifully lucid and easily accessed, providing an open invitation to remember our eternal heritage and the blissful existence offered here.
The Cognitive Café (A Parody)
Reservations accepted, which, of course, means your table is actually never ready
(lack of commitment prevents manifesting)
This menu is inspired by the great Advaita Chef, Francis Lucille*
His most famous dish is nothing.
I have personally tasted every item on this menu and can testify that that all of the ingredients are neither organic nor natural.
The special, offered every day, is “I’m not good enough”- This is an all you can eat dish served with a side of inferiority, self-criticism and topped with a subtle resentment sauce.
Comparing self to others- Served on a bed of duality, this lovely dish is served cold with a side of self-pity and again, the ever-popular resentment sauce. We also offer envy and jealousy as optional side dishes. Sadness, due to popularity, is no longer a side dish here, rather now a stand-alone item.
Is that all there is?- This vexing dish comes with a bitter sauce that has a distinct undertone of disappointment and spicey anger. Disillusionment is offered at an additional cost.
Should, ought to supposed to- This pressure cooked dish comes with self-criticism and a tempting side of perfectionism topped with a strong obligation sauce. Subtle hints of resentment and hypervigilance make this an irresistible dish.
Judgement- We treat each ingredient with liquid nitrogen, freezing and crystalizing the entire dish until you decide to shatter it. Comes with a large serving of crystalized intolerance and stiff egocentricity. Some prefer the sticky inferiority and some the superiority topping. The dish is served with special utensils designed for shattering the crystals. These utensils are understanding and compassion.
He, she, they don’t like me- You get your own table by yourself for this uninviting dish. A specially trained waiter brings the dish to your table with great indifference. Served cold, you get to pick sides from inferiority, self-judging or spicey anger. Revenge is offered with an upcharge.
It has to be perfect- This item comes with mixed emotions, each pressure cooked. And you can’t eat it because it would mess up the plating.
What if…-This dish is served in 1 of 2 ways
The first offering is a dish that comes with a large portion of anxiety accompanied by worry dressing on the side. Self-doubt is offered with an upcharge.
I don’t know- Your choice of 2 different ways here as well- this first I don’t know, comes with anxiety with a tempting speculation sauce. You can choose from frustration and helplessness for your side dishes.
I have to do it all myself- This dish you must prepare by yourself and sides are restricted to obligation and anger with a dusting of loneliness. Disdain is offered with an upcharge.
If only…Served on a bed of either longing or regret with a bitter sauce or self-recrimination offered on each.
Other offerings that feed your soul (all are organic here)
You know forwards and you know backwards, well, this is before words. With this item you get silence, no questions and effortless existence. This dish is free.
What if… This is the other version of the dish. What if… everything turns out just right. You let go and just be. This one comes with peace, bliss and joy. This dish is also free.
As is...This dish of yet to be determined ingredients comes with utter acceptance, no charge for this.
The other version of, I don’t know, comes with relief and calm, comforting reassurance and openness. There is no charge for this dish either.
Oneness- The signature dish here. An empty plate filled with Love, deeply satisfying.
The items presented here are just a small sampling of our available items. Please check back for more choices
Maybe these items inspire you to make your own dishes with great nutrition, have fun with this and enjoy!
*You can look at any item on this menu, but it will not manifest unless you order it. We are what is before thought.
