09/11/2026
I haven't been on here much lately. We moved my 93-year-old mother to a nursing home about a month ago after a series of falls.
While she was still in her home, she wouldn’t let me clean the fridge or go through food in the cupboards. She insisted it was still good. Part of that was distorted thinking from mild dementia and part of it was denial that she could no longer manage. She had always been a fiercely independent woman. I didn’t push it. Just discreetly removed food in the fridge that might make her sick. I didn’t want her last years to be marred with arguments.
I’ve been going through the cupboards and fridge. Most things were current or expired within the last two-three years. But I did find a couple of tins spices from 1981 and 1983 as well as a package of 15-year-old raisins and some five-year-old cans of tuna.
As I work, I keep seeing her in garden, picking and canning tomatoes or cooking big Sunday dinners for extended family. Each package of food tells a story. She bought that can of tuna intending to make tuna noodle casserole, then gradually lost her ability to cook and could only reheat premade soups and sandwiches. It sat there in case she ever wanted to make that casserole again, even though that became increasingly impossible.
I can work for about half an hour before the sadness becomes overwhelming. Maybe my mother wasn’t prepared to feel that sadness, either. So, she chose to put it off for another day. I’ll probably never know.
When you’re frustrated with your elderly parents for not being able to let things go, take a step back. Listen to their stories. Honor their memories and emotions. Offer help respectfully. Respect their dignity. Be patient. Acknowledge the emotions that you both are feeling. It will make a difficult process smoother and less stressful for everyone.
