09/26/2026
I saw something in myself recently that I hadn't fully seen before...
A pattern.
One that, when I looked back, had been repeating for almost my entire life.
A pattern of overgiving that began as a survival response within very early childhood traumas and was reinforced throughout different traumatic experiences throughout my life.
I learned very early on that giving, helping, holding and taking care of others was expected of me. And no matter how much I gave, it never seemed to be enough.
So I gave more.
And more.
And more.
Somewhere along the way, giving became tied to my self-worth.
Maybe if I give enough, help enough, love enough, hold enough, I will finally be lovable and enough.
And when connection, family, love or belonging appeared within a relationship, I gave everything I had and then more to hold onto it. Sometimes long after the relationship had changed, hoping that eventually I would prove myself enough and this time I wouldn't get hurt or tossed aside.
There are experiences I can look back on now and recognize were not healthy for me. Times I was manipulated, taken advantage of, abused, unsupported and disregarded when I no longer had anything left to give.
My healing is not about taking accountability for someone else's actions.
It is about becoming curious about my own patterns.
Not, "what is wrong with me?"
But, "what keeps bringing me here?"
I will always love deeply. I will always give, help and hold space. I won't let life's harder lessons make my heart smaller or harder.
But I am learning the difference between giving from love and giving from an old wound that is still trying to prove I am enough.
I can love deeply without abandoning myself in the process.
I lovingly invite you to get curious about the patterns within your own life.
Is there a lesson that has been repeating in different forms throughout your life?
Not from a place of "who is to blame"
But from a place of "what might this pattern be inviting me to finally see?"
Sending you all peace, love and light,
Crystal Dunbar
www.findingfeathers.ca