07/29/2026
I remember the exact moment
I decided to explore op**te addiction.
It’d been over a year since I first had a strange tasting substance from a deceptively attractive little blue bottle.
A few friends at the time were investors in it.
When I tried it the first time - my body was like “WTF this is awful”
Tried it again a week later
And felt… something good.
Never looked into it.
Just found myself more focused, peaceful and productive.
You’d think that by the time I was at 3 bottles a day (about 2 months in) that something would have caught my attention.
Not this guy 😳
6 months in, 6-7 bottles a day.
Business rocking.
Feeling good.
Feeling free, just like the label on the bottle said I would.
Old pain of heartache and loneliness?
Drowned out in a chemical cocktail of kava and kratom.
I was disassociating, hard core.
Just didn’t recognize it.
Too high, and too highly functional.
About a year in, I thought it’d be a good idea to take a break - give my body a reset and make the use more efficient when I resumed.
Ten days, I figured.
Day one:
Made it 20 minutes after waking up before my body starting shaking and shivering.
Felt like something was inside me, Alien-style, clawing to get out… to get back to the cracking sound of a blue bottle and its dirty brown salvation.
That’s when it finally hit me.
It was a full blown addiction.
I was sitting in my $2m home in Westlake Hills, Austin.
That was at 7:30am.
January 13th, 2023.
And I decided that I wasn’t ready to do this.
So I went all in.
Gave myself permission to see just how far the tunnel went.
Got up to 9-10 bottles a day.
All purchased one at a time.
Because if I ordered a carton, that’d mean I had a real problem).
5-6 trips to various convenience stores.
Every day.
I’d wake up in the middle of the night.
Crack a bottle open, drink half.
Back to the usual unwell sleep filled with strange dreams.
It got worse before I decided to end the chemical ride.
Started having very sober-feeling thoughts about how it would end, and how to make my end easier on others.
Mind you, I always felt protected by God and my guides, but they certainly were watching with a curious eye, perhaps wondering if this dude would take it too far.
Finally, for no reason I can consciously recall, I knew it was time.
So I took a highly leveraged approach.
Got a one way ticket to Europe.
Because you can’t get the stuff there.
Took along the last 8 bottles with me.
Over the next few days, I watched them dwindle down, and felt like it was about to be my turn in front of a firing squad.
Then, on an island in Croatia, under the last rays of the setting sun, I downed the final half bottle.
And the real battle began.
For the next 10 days, I endured.
Suffered for the first time in a long time.
Forgot how to sleep.
Hardest thing I’ve ever physically done, and one of the hardest mentally and emotionally.
Had great support from people close to me.
Kept myself busy with tons of meaningfully novel experiences.
Road trip with Alex Huditan through Italy.
Calcio Storico in Florence with Ben Greenfield and his amazing family.
Chris Reynolds’ birthday in Tuscany.
(Accepted a micro dose of L from another cool guy at dinner there, that turned out not to be a micro dose, which probably helped)
Kit Kat Club in Berlin (only hung out, not my sort of thing to partake in, but still a very sophisticated vibe).
And drank TONS of water.
Eventually the spell broke.
I could feel myself again.
I could hear God.
Although I did try the blue bottle again on and off, when I did finally quit for good it was nowhere near as tough.
It’s been over a year since I have had even a thought about the stuff.
For some reason I felt compelled today to share this.
Not sure why, yet.
But maybe just to say that this is a secret that MANY people keep.
I did.
I just never felt ashamed about it.
Maybe I would have quit sooner if I had, but shame or embarrassment isn’t part of my emotional vocabulary, that I’m aware of.
So the point is
If you or someone you know is dealing with this poison
Just know you’re not alone.
It’s evil stuff.
But you don’t need to treat yourself evilly.
Love yourself through it.
Share what’s happening with people you trust, who won’t try to do more for you than you’re ready to do for yourself.
You’re not broken.
Nothing’s wrong with you.
You’re just living out an experience to try and meet real needs in fake ways.
Welcome to the club.
And when you’re ready to stop, you will.
One way or another.
With love for your will and compassion for your journey, maybe today is that day for you.
Onwards.
✌🏽 👊🏽
